I'm Jealous

It's official and I'll admit it. Most of the time, when I find out someone in real life is pregnant, it really doesn't bother me too much. Yes, I was upset and I cried when I found out my sister was pregnant. But that was for very different reasons. I was the oldest. I got married first. I should have the first grandchild. It was a different kind of jealousy. It wasn't because I wasn't/couldn't get pregnant. I don't know how to explain it - it's just not the same kind of thing - it was more of a jealous, I'm the big sister and married, I should be pregnant first, not you, kind of big sister petty jealousy. Does that make sense? But, like I said, I quickly got over that and I'm so excited to see that little guy any day now!

But, back to why my jealousy has kicked in. One that some of you may, unfortunately, be familiar with. One of my cousins is pregnant. She's already got one baby, no big deal, that one didn't bother me. But recently my mom told me she was talking to my aunt and she said that my cousin and her husband were going to try to have a baby when her husband came back into port (he's in the Navy and is often gone 6 months at a time on a submarine). He came home in June and I found out last week that she's pregnant. Already. After just one try. That's all it took. Just like that.

Don't get me wrong - I'm happy for them. Honestly Especially since he is only home for 6 months before he ships out again for another 6 months under the water. So he won't be there when she gives birth which would suck. But I think it just hit me extra hard this time because I'm about to start my 2nd IVF cycle in hopes of being as lucky as her to be pregnant. I just am not as naive as I was before that this will work and I'll be pregnant. Plus, I admit it, it's the first time really that it made me jealous that someone I know could be pregnant so easily - like it should happen for everyone.

I know, this is nothing new for many of my IF ladies. Usually I can brush off how I feel when I find out someone is pregnant, but this one was just harder. Maybe it's because I actually know it was only one cycle. Super easy. For others, I honestly do not know how many cycles it was. Who knows - either way, I'm jealous and just need to shake it off.

OK, I think I'm done feeling sorry for myself. And rambling. It's not a new feeling to many and I know I am very lucky that I don't have too many pregnant people in my real life. So, now I am just going to focus on this cycle and do my best to get this cycle to work!