Discovery Health: The Baby Lab

I just discovered this show today. It's both interesting and, for some reason, incredibly sad. I set my DVR to record it since it's apparently a regular series. I love watching how everything goes - reminds me of what we did. But it also surprised me because it made me cry a few times throughout the show. Both sad for me - it reminds me of our failed cycle and how optimistic/nervous we felt before we heard the news and how devestated we were when we got the BFN. And also sad for them - because I know how they're feeling when they get the bad news. OMG I feel sooo bad for them - the way they look/sound is exactly how I felt. Ugh - I'm sitting here crying for them, I can't even believe it.

And, this is the weird part, I'm jealous of the women on the TV that have good embies and end up pregnant. One thing I noticed is both of the women who did get pregnant were the ones who already had natural children before. The two that didn't, don't have any children - makes you wonder. I don't have any previous children, so maybe this won't happen for me, either. I know I shouldn't, because a lot of times it's just luck on how things go. And they're in the same situation as we are needing the IVF/ICSI. I'm so stupid.

So I guess we'll see if I continue to watch this series or if I end up canceling the recordings, who knows. It just reminds me of how sad we were with the BFN from #1 and how scared we are that #2 won't work either. I don't know...

I'm a Bachelorette

For a little over a week. DH got offered a fishing trip to Northern Quebec (for free!) that I couldn't let him pass up, so I dropped him off last night at his ride's house and he is already in Canada, on his way to the North. There won't be any cell service or phone/computer access so I won't get to hear from him until next weekend sometime when they're on their way back home.

We've been away from each other for this amount of time, but we've at least been able to chat. Not saying we can't do it, but we just love talking to each other. Especially this coming Monday which will be our 1st wedding anniversary.

We were going to go to Jamaica for our 1st anniversary, but as we know, we had to cancel that one since it ended up falling during our 1st IVF cycle. Then we were going to go to Portland, ME this weekend, but we cancalled that so he could go on his trip. We were looking at rescheduling, but all of the hotels we want to stay at are booked for pretty much the rest of the summer - oops!

So now we're trying to figure where to go and when for our Anniversary. It may end up being in September at this poing! lol But, if it is, it'll have to coincide with a day already DH gets off. Since he's a teacher, it's not as easy for him to just take time off like it is for me. He gets lots of time off, but it's not as flexible when he does, you know?

So this week I am going to spend time cleaning up around the house, running errands, watching chick flicks and treating myself for dinner a couple of times. That, and figuring out where to go for our anniversary - any ideas?!

Sex - Finally!

We had sex last night and it was awesome. And will probably again tonight. I know, it's TMI, but I don't care. It's my blog ;-)

Because of DH's MFI, he had to supply a few frozen samples last cycle. And for each one, we had to abstain from sex for a few days to get his count up. So based on the time spent abstaining for those, my period during the cycle, then the no sex prior to the ER/ET, then the no sex allowed during the 2WW after and then we just don't like to have sex during my period - let's just say there was little sex action over the last month or so.

Last night was much needed and much enjoyed ;-)

IVF#2 - CD3 Appt - I have a cyst

So - had my CD3 appointment today for IVF#2. Normally, I love walking into my RE's office. It's really comfortable, pretty, and full of optimism. But today, it was still comforting, it was still pretty. But I didn't feel as excited about being there. We all know why, obviously, but I didn't like feeling that way. I am definitely looking forward to trying again, but I'm also scared as hell that it, again, won't work.

So they checked me in, we discussed applying for the grant again for this round. I got approved - my cost share is $5k. Much better than the full $10k, but still frustrating to have to make sure we have that money. We do, but I don't like seeing all of our money disappear. Oh well - we don't technically have to pay it until I start Lupron anyway - and even then, it'll be put on my credit card so we still have a little more time to save more money before the bill is due. We will then pay it in full.

So the appointment was pretty standard - blood draw (again), lining check, and a check for cysts. Seriously, I think we give more blood than the normal person - we should definitely get some OJ and cookies, right?! Just like those who donate blood ;-)

I suspected they'd find a cyst on the left ovary based on some pain I was feeling a few days ago, and they did. They originally said I'd start Lupron on 8/02, but since I now have to go on BCP to get rid of the cyst, I have to go back for another check on 8/05 before they'll give me a new Lupron date. They said it looked like it was going away on it's own, so hopefully it'll be gone and I can start on 8/05 - only 3 days later. The good news was I didn't have to pay for a new pack of BCP - I still had some left over from before TTC - woohoo! I still find it funny that going ON birth control would actually be a part of GETTING pregnant ;-)

We also discussed my protocol. They don't have it yet, but I discussed with them how I was concerned that I only got 4 mature eggs out of about 16 follies. They said they would, of course, review my last cycle and adjust for this one. I'm curious what they'd come up with - and if it doesn't sound right to me, you can bet I will be questioning!

I also only stimmed for 9 days last time. So I will be closing monitoring how my follies are growing and I will also question how long they have me stimming. If it looks like they may be stopping me to coincide with a weekend, I'll be questioning that as well. Should I really be stopping, or are you just doing it for convenience of your schedule? Now, I'm not saying that's what they did last time, it just seemed kind of coincidental to me - ER on Friday, ET on a Monday - and only getting 4 that were mature enough. I don't know - I just may be letting my anger/sadness affect my thoughts at the moment. Probably am.

I had them confirm, as well, that my husband's frozen sperm are, in fact, still frozen and still in Syracuse which is good. We had him "deposit" multiple frozen samples in case his day of fresh sample sucked (which is a good possibility based on how bad his MFI is). Thanksfully, we didn't have to use them for IVF#1, but it's comforting to know we have them as a back-up, just in case.

I teared up again today - in the exam room while doing my mini WTF appointment. They had a big old box of tissues in there, so apparently I'm not the only one lol I made myself stop, but the sadness still hasn't gone away. I just want these next 3 weeks to go by quickly so we can get the ball rolling on this cycle. But, at least we don't have to do a break cycle - we are very thankful for that.

On a more positive note, DH surprised me again today by calling and sayinghe's taking me to lunch. He wanted to talk about today's appointment. That made me happy - he is really understanding now how everything works, is up on the lingo for the most part, and if there's something he doesn't understand, he makes sure to ask. I love that he is so caring and involved.

I LOVE YOU, BABE!

OK, guess that's it. I'll try and post a more positive post next time. I guess this was more of an update on how my appointment went, but hopefully I'll have something more interesting to talk about next time lol I hope you all are having a great day and a great cycle!