Nothing much going on...

Right now we are kind of just at a stand still in the IVF world. Still need to hear back from the RE if any of the new stuff is covered. Can't afford another round right now, so hopefully some of it will be - although I don't have much hope based on past experience.

And I have been SO fortunate to be able to buy a couple meds off some fellow nesties (thank you so much!) which will be a HUGE help - and my SIL works at an OBGYN office, so she said to fax her the list of the meds so she can see if they have any they'd be willing to donate to us. That was nice of her to offer - anything helps, so fingers crossed! I'm not counting on anything coming from it - if it does - that's fantastic! But if not, we're not any further behind than we started, right?

Oh yeah! Fun news! One of my fellow nesties sent me a fertility bracelet this week, and I wear it every day. It says "Believe" and I think it's a perfect word. Thank you Jacki! And congratulations again - MOMMY!

Outside of IVF, I've been spending a lot of time at work this week - kinda sucks, but needs to be done, I guess. And I've had what seems like a constant, pounding, splitting headache since last Wednesday - it hurts so bad and nothing seems to make it want to stop. I really think it's stress releated so I need a day to just not really think about anything and just reax.

This weekend we are going to go apple picking and we can't wait! We go every year and this weekend they should have a good variety of apples to choose from to pick based on their website. Especially the Jonagolds - yum! And those suckers are HUGE and good to both eat and bake with. I can't wait! I want to go back again in a couple weeks and pick Red Delicisous ones, too. The weather's supposed to be really nice Fall weather this weekend, so it should hopefully do the trick to take my mind off things and have some fun with DH!

This past weekend I met my mom in Lake George and we spent the day at The Great Escape (part of Six Flags). I had some free tickets - so I asked my mom if she wanted to go and she said yes! We just spent the day together hanging out. We weren't in the mood for some of the bigger rides like the roller coasters (I still had my headache) so we just spent the day on the Merry Go Round, Scrambler, Swings, Water Rides, Cannonball Express, etc... We were there from when the park opened to when it closed. I love amusement parks at night - with all the lights. We ended the day having dinner together and then we each drove our separate ways home. It was an AWESOME day - just some alone time - me and my mom. I love those days (and so does mom!)!

Since I don't have too much going on in the IVF world right now, I may take this week to catch up on some old topics. I don't think I ever posted pics from the weekend our nieces came to visit, so maybe I'll do that. And maybe some pics of my little nephew. He's so cute!

OK, guess that's it. DH is home from Open House at the school tonight, so time to go hang out. Hope everything is doing well, and I'll talk to you soon!

WTF Appt and New Protocol

So - I've been MIA for a while - between needing a break after the BFN, to being at training and not feeling well, I just haven't been on to post. And, if I know myself well enough, I'm probably about to type enough in this one post to make up for anything I haven't been typing - so, I apologize in advance!

So - our WTF appointment was last Thursday. Turns out, the doctor from the Syracuse location who actually did my Retrieval and Transfer (and who founded both locations) was at my local office, so I ended up meeting with him for the appointment. My biggest questions were "Why haven't either worked?!" and "Why wasn't the protocol changed after IVF#1 and only getting 4 mature eggs?". And his answer to both? I honestly don't know, but they should have. Great. Awesome. That makes me feel good, doesn't it? Especially that the protocol should have been changed.

I mentioned that during my 2nd cycle a few times, but it was never changed. And now I feel like it was just a waste of a cycle - that if they had in fact changed it, maybe we would have had a better chance.

But, enough of that. The past is the past. So we talked about what we are going to do for the 3rd round (once we can afford it). So it looks like we're going to do a combined Estrogen Priming/Antagonist protocol. I still have a few questions, but here is how I understand it to go:


- CD21: Lupron
- Get Period
- CD3: Baseline bloodwork, Stop Lupron, Start Estradiol Valerate (estrogen) injections 2x/week for 10 days
- CD3 (again??): bloodwork, start Stims - 150 iu of Follistim + 75 iu of Menopur, no Lupron, Ganirelex when it gets closer to ER to prevent ovulation
- Egg Retrieval
- Embryo Transfer: start Lovenox injections (I have questions on this), HCG injections, Baby Aspirin, Estrace, Prometrium supps and Progesterone in Oil (PIO - yikes - this one's an IM injection!).
- And with all of this, the Dr. is a huge fan of Eastern medicine - acupuncture, yoga, positive attitude, etc... HUGE fan! lol

He also suggested I have an Endometrial Biopsy and Hysteroscopy. And possibly a Lap. Not sure why on the Lap, but that's just one of my questions I still want to follow-up on.

He also mentioned doing IVIG - basically where they go in and irritate your uterus a little prior to the ET. I guess while it's healing from the irritation, it helps with implantation. I had heard of this - have any of you tried this?

So let's just say it's a big change from my previous, regular, long Lupron Cycles - Lupron + Follistim + Trigger. Hope it works!

Here are some of the questions I still have:

1) Why the Lovenox if I'm also on Baby Aspirin and haven't had any clotting issues that I'm aware of. Isn't it a blood thinner?
2) Why the lap? I don't have any signs of Endo and I don't need my tubes - wonder what they'll be looking for.
3) Clarify up my timing better
4) The PIO shots - I hear that having them mixed with Ethyl Oleate is much easier than Sesame or another oil. I hope that's what they had in mind!
5) IVIG - want more info - should I do it? It's expensive! But, not as expensive, perhaps, as asking - should I have done it? If this next cycle doesn't work? I mean - the $700 to try IVIG is cheaper than another few grand on a potential 4th cycle, right? I don't know!
6) How in the work can I afford this!

That last question is our biggest concern. Between issues with DH's car, Riley's accident, and the past 2 IVF cycles, we have pretty much depleted any amout of savings we have. It's so scary! We'll have to save up again just to have enough to do another cycle, let alone having any sort of buffer in our savings should there be an accident. My mom has offered the money from their tax return a few times - which is so incredibly nice of her - but I just can't get myself to do it. They need the money themselves, I just couldn't do it.

I mentioned the cost issue a few times. And, to my surprise, we were in for a surprise! The doctor excused himself and then came back - and guess what he said?! He is willing to only charge $1000 for our next IVF cycle. How awesome is that! Technically it's only $600 since $400 has to go to the anesthesiologist - but that's definitely a help! Granted - it doesn't cover the ultrasounds or the meds, but they said the insurance should cover the ultrasounds (they are confirming) and meds - well, we're working on those.

They are checking with our insurance companies to see if any of the new ones are covered. And if not, they said to keep checking with them on any they may possibly have to donate. And, to my huge surprise, we were lucky enough to have a fellow Nestie offer up her extra Ganirelex - can you believe it? 4 vials and I just have to pay for shipping. She had to pay out of pocket for her cycles as well and wanted to donate what she could - we couldn't be happier - thank you Vandelay!

So - now we are just waiting to hear back from the RE on what they found out re: what will and won't be covered on the new protocol. And based on that, will determine what our new timing will be and how much time we'll need to save.

But - we are on our way - so, for now, we're just praying for one of those rare miracle break cycle BFP's - can't hurt to dream, right?! ;-)

IVF#2 = BFN

Not pregnant. AGAIN.

Needless to say you can bet there will be a WTF appointment scheduled - and there's plenty of time for me to come up with the questions to ask since we won't be able to do another cycle for a while - we have no money left to do it. This sucks. HARD.

Road Trip!

I'm off to visit my sister, her Fiance, and my new little nephew! DH has a fishing tournament this weekend so he's not going. We'll be playing with the little guy, going for walks, going with her to try on wedding dresses (she's going to look beautiful!), catching up, etc... - should be a lot of fun!

I took Friday off from work and am heading up! It's about a 3.5 hour road trip, so definitely not looking forward to that, but it'll be fun once I get there. Hopefully hurricane Hanna stays away!

I'm getting closer and closer to the big beta day on Monday - my mind it trying to trick me into testing. I have 4 Dollar Tree tests and a FRER calling my name. I've been feeling little sharp twinges and some cramping in the uterus and have been tired and hungry - but who knows if any of those are real or not!

I didn't test out the trigger, so not sure if I'll end up doing it or not. I'm trying to decide if knowing ahead of time that if it's a BFN or not will be easier to take than getting that phone call at work. I don't know - guess we'll just have to see!

And, from my last post, here is what will is happening to my (hopeful) embie(s) in there over the next few days while I'm gone! Grow little guy!

Friday - 8dpt: Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
Saturday - 9dpt: More HCG is produced as fetus develops
Sunday - 10dpt: More HCG is produced as fetus develops
Monday - 11dpt: HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT (Beta day!)

Not sure if I'll be able to get on over the weekend, so if I don't, I hope everyone has a great weekend!

6dp 3dt

So today I am officially 6 dp 3dt - and I have been totally over-analyzing every little symptom. Bloatedness - maybe? Kinda gassy lately - is it that? Or maybe it's just the food I'm eating?I have had some cramps lately - or maybe not? I've also been pretty tired - but then again, I have also been going to bed kinda late! So yup, it's one of the perks lovely part of the 2ww! I just need to wait until Monday until we know officially. ;-)

But, I saw this the other day and thought it was pretty interesting - it lists what happens after a 3dt :

1dpt: Embryo is growing and developing
2dpt: Embryo is now a blastocyst
3dpt: Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
4dpt: Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
5dpt: Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
6dpt: Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
7dpt: Morula is completely inmplanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells
8dpt: Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
9dpt: More HCG is produced as fetus develops
10dpt: More HCG is produced as fetus develops
11dpt: HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT (Beta day!)

My DH also called me today to meet him for lunch - yay! He had two staff days the last couple of days, but gets students tomorrow, so wanted to do lunch one more time. How sweet!

OK everyone, guess that's it - have a great day!

Riley has Jaundice

We were looking at him last night while feeding him and his nose, ears, etc... are all pretty yellow. So we're assuming he has fatty liver and jaundice from the not eating. Poor guy. So we are going to see if we can take him to the vet today and see what they say.

He's been spending most of his time inside either hiding in the bathroom on the towel or under the bed. It's weird. We've started shutting the bedroom doors so he couldn't go under the beds - he usually stays on top and looks out the window, but he has only been doing that for a little while now before going under. I think he think's it's his way of him hiding so we can't forcefeed him, but we end up getting him out anyway. We could be wrong since that explanation wouldn't fit the bathroom, so I don't know for sure. Maybe he just wants a small dark place?

OK, guess that's it for now. As far as how I'm feeling, not too bad. Can feel the ovary/uterus area and was pretty bloated yesterday, but not so bad right now. I'm sure the bloating will come back as the day progresses, though - never fear! ;-)

Transfer Day!

So, this morning was our embryo transfer. As I mentioned in previous posts, when they called Tuesday morning they said 3 out of the 4 had fertilized. So this morning, we were curious how many we'd have for our transfer today. DH was thinking 4, I was thinking 3. Well, neither of us was exactly quite right! haha

We still had 3, but one of them wasn't looking so hot anymore and they couldn't really tell if it was dividing any more or it was just hiding the other cells where the microscope couldn't see. I'm thinking it stopped dividing, but I'm no doctor! So we have at least 2 that did look good, and one, not so good. We decided to go for it and put all three back - figured it couldn't hurt!

Here's a picture of them (aren't they cute?!). I'll try and take a better one later, but at least it's a start. DH calls them stuffed mushrooms - and they do kind of look like that, don't they?! haha So from the picture, you can see the one that we're thinking really isn't doing well...

The transfer today actually took longer and hurt more than last time. Not sure why, but it did. Not a lot, but the speculum hurt/was uncomfortable, putting the catheter into my cervix caused some cramping, etc... Nothing was unbearable, but it was definitely more noticeable than last time. I guess I'll take it as a sign since last time didn't work?! lol

OK, guess that's it for now. My mom called last night and today to wish us luck. I am so happy I finally told her - she has been so supportive. She even offered to take time off of work should I ever need it and DH can't drive me or go with me. How sweet is that?!

I took other pics of the retrieval and transfer that I'll try and post later, but for now, I'm off to take a nap. And then bake some cookies - you want any? ;-)

2dpR?

OK, so I made that up - 2 days past Retrieval. Yup, I'm a dork - but I thought it was a pretty good way to describe it. So our 3 day transfer is tomorrow at 10:15. Can't wait!

We've spent the last couple days just hanging out. We took the boat out (Tom fished and I read and relaxed in the sun!), went for walks, grilled, had dinner with a friend yesterday, etc... Not sure yet what we're going to do the rest of the week to and the last few days of our vacation. Maybe a quick trip up to Lake George or something, I don't know. Just something relaxing and vacation-y - guess we'll see. As long as it helps me take my mind off the dreaded 2ww, I'm good!

As far as side effects go, I'm still bloated, but the ovaries haven't hurt as much as they have the last couple days. They didn't hurt yesterday morning, but by the end of the day they started aching - I've learned I probably shouldn't lay on my belly to read while in the boat - oops! Either way, much better today - bring on the transfer!

So what do you think? Are all 3 embies still kicking? Or did we lose one? Or did the 4th one catch up? I'll let you know tomorrow!

Fert Report, Kitty, and Plans for Today

Hey there! Got our Fertilization Report this morning. Out of the 9 eggs they retrieved, they were able fertilize 4 of them. They weren't able to tell me why they couldn't do the others, but I'm assuming they either weren't mature or something - will have to find out Thursday when I get to the Transfer. And of the 4 eggs they got, 3 of them had fertilized this morning. She said the 4th may catch up by Thursday, but at least, as of now, we have 3 - so that's a good start!

It's actually very similar to last time - last time we got 10 eggs, they injected 4, and 3 fertilized! lol

So we have a 3 day transfer scheduled for this Thursday at 10:15. Can't wait! And it was nice of them to push it out by a couple hours compared to last time since we have to travel 2 hours to get there. Woohoo!

Here's my list of drugs:

- Prometrium (200 mg) - vaginal supps 2x daily (oh so messy!)
- Estrace (2 mg) - orally 2x daily
- Doxycycline (100 mg) - 2x daily for 3 days
- Baby Aspirin (81 mg) - 1 daily
- PNV - 1 daily
- B6 - 1 daily
- Levothyroxin (25 mcg) - 1 daily
- And then I add in a multi-vitamin 1 daily.

As far as symptoms/side effects, they are better today. Yesterday I was extremely bloated, ovaries hurt to walk, move, etc... although it wasn't so bad that I couldn't handle it. And I was stuck "taking it easy" lol. Nice when you don't HAVE to do it, but boring when you do ;-) Needless to say it's worth it and I spent much time on the Nest and watching TV.

Today the bloating is down so far and the ovaries aren't nearly as achy. We are now getting ready to take the boat out for a couple hours - I am on vacation after all! - and then I'm meeting a friend tonight for dinner to celebrate. My fert report and her divorce finally being finalized!

Lastly - in case anyone is curious about the kitty, there hasn't been much change. He is still losing weight but we are still doing the force feedings. Just don't always get him to keep them down. But we're still trying. And, on that note, I'm off to go feed him again, let him outside, and then pack up to head out on the boat!

I hope everyone has a great day and I'll talk to you soon!

Egg Retrieval & Funny Story!

So today went well. We left around 7:45 this morning and headed to Syracuse. Got there just in time and then shortly after, they took us back. It was uncomfortable sitting in the car straight up and down the last couple of days (gotta love giant ovaries!) so I had to recline, but other than that, not too bad. Just achy ovaries - they even hurt a bit with each step - fun, fun! I find myself hold my hands over them - quite the picture, I have to imagine!

We both got changed into our beautiful outfits and then they hooked me up to all my IV's, etc... And this time they hooked the IV up to my arm where they normally draw blood, not my hand - the hands hurts!

And before I know it, I'm awake and they had retrieved 9 eggs. Last time they told me when I'd be put out, but not this time I guess! lol

I don't even remember the doctor coming in! DH took lots of pictures - might post them later after I get them off the camera. He also said that they got 9 eggs and there's a chance that 6 of them are mature. I sure hope so - that's better than I was expecting!

We stopped at a Thai place for lunch and then drove the 2 hours home. I'm a little tired, and the ovaries are achy, but nothing I can't deal with. So now we wait for tomorrow morning's fert report - hoping it's a good number!

And now, here's the funny story:

So on the way to the Retrieval this morning, my husband drove. Fast. And before he could slow down, a State Trooper pulled out, put on his lights, and pulled us over. Oops!

Expecting him to come to the driver's side, I hear a knocking on my passenger window and all of a sudden, there he was. And here's the conversation:

Mr. Policeman: License and Registration please
Mr. Marcy: hands info to me to hand to cop
Mr. Policeman: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Mr. Marcy: yes - I was going over the spead limit - well over 80
Marcy: thinking to herself - don't say WELL OVER, just stick to - "yes, I was speeding"
Mr. Policeman: yes, I clocked you going 82. Where are you coming from.
Mr. Marcy: Albany
Mr. Policeman: And where are you headed?
Mr. Marcy: We're headed to Syracuse to the Fertility Clinic

And now, get this part:

Mr. Policeman: Oh, my wife and I have fertility issues. I understand. Go ahead, just slow down.
Mr. and Mrs. Marcy: - thank you Officer, thank you!

Can you believe it? That was it. Without another word he handed us back the license and registration and we pulled away (going speed limit for the rest of the way!).

How lucky are we and how cool of that cop?! Such a small world...

I'm Triggered!

I officially triggered with the Ovidrel injection tonight at 10:30 pm. so that means in about 36 hours I'll have my egg retrieval. We are to be there for the ER at 10:00 Monday morning - can't wait! I just really hope a few of the others have caught up and things look good and they get a decent number that fertilize. Pretty please!

Also, the GTG today was great! Perfect weather, great company, and a lot of fun! We took lots of pics, so once I get my downloaded and some from the other girls, I'll post a few. Talk to you soon!

Follie Check #3 - Trigger tomorrow, Weekend Plans

Six. That's it. That's all the measurable eggs that I have. WTF? Leftie is doing ok and has grown them well, but righty has basically done nothing. Still. Here are my numbers from today's u/s:

Leftie:
20.7
18.9
18.5
18.5
17.8

Rightie:
12.2

Pretty pathetic, eh? This is even worse than last time in a way - fewer measurable eggs. But, at least it looks like there will be at least 5 good mature (hopefully!) eggs come Monday at the retrieval (only had 4 mature last time). And you know what's funny? It's the sad little Rightie that I feel the most - go figure. I will cross my fingers that the one on Rightie catches up, but I seriously doubt it. So it's looking like we'll end up with just a few embies again this time and none for freeze.

So let's hope this one works!

OK, here's my protocol for the next few days:

Tonight: no change - 150 iu Follistim, 5 iu Lupron
Tomorrow: Trigger (Ovidrel) at 10:30 pm, no Follistim or Lupron
Sunday: no injections! No baby aspirin. No food/beverage after midnight
Monday: ER at 10:00 am
Thursday: potential ET

It's actually pretty good that I won't be doing stims tomorrow night because I am going to an Upstate NY Nestie get-together and I don't want to worry about making it back into town in time or having to lug them around with me all day in a cooler! lol

I'm actually looking forward to the GTG - I've been chatting with these girls from all over the state for a while now and we finally get to meet! I've gone to some local Nestie GTG's and a few of us are carpooling over together, but meeting some of the others from Upstate NY should be fun. We are going to the Finger Lakes area - having lunch and then going on a boat cruise. Ooh, gotta remember my camera!

I'm also officially on vacation until September 2nd - yay for me! We were planning on going north to the Adirondacks to my parents' house and then to hop over and see my sister/nephew, but now that we have to go to Syracuse on Monday and Thursday, it wouldn't make any sense to to go - too much driving in very opposite directions lol Oh well - so is the way with all of our vaca plans this year, but baby comes first!

Hope you all of you are doing well - have any plans for the weekend?

Day 8 of Stims

Nothing too big to report. Still just chugging along. The follie check on Wednesday was interesting. There were about 10 or so follies, but only 5 measureable (I had 10 measurable by this point last cycle). Here are the sizes:

Left:
10.5
10.9
11.7
12.0

Right:
9.3

When I left the office that day she checked Monday's E2 (Estridiol) level and based on those and how my follies were doing, she upped me to 225 iu of Follistim. But, before the day was out, I got a call that based on my E2 level from that day, they were bumping me back down to 150. Oh well. I was honestly looking forward to the higher level in hopes of having more measurable follies for tomorrow's appointment, but I'll keep to the 150 iu for now.

I guess we'll just do slow and steady wins the race, right? And better quality rather than quantity? Oh well - I guess we'll see how tomorrow's u/s goes to see if we are still scheduled for Monday for the ER or not. I am just really hoping for more than 4 mature eggs - that sucked hard last cycle. Fingers crossed!

Day 6 of Stims, My Cat, and the Olympics

Today is day 6 of stims and tonights Lupron shot hurt like crazy! I got more Lupron at Monday's ultrasound appointment and the needle I used tonight from the Lupron kit hurt like crazy! Don't know why, but it went in hard - ouch! Follistim pen was once again, no pain at all. Hope the rest of the needles won't hurt like tonights!

So my first ultrasound on Monday and saw a decent amount of follies. Only one was measurable at Monday's appointment, but based on the fact that I could start feeling my ovaries today (and tons of EWCM!), I should have some more to measure during my appointment tomorrow (Wednesday).

Have been getting a lot of headaches and have been just so tired lately. Don't know if it's the Lupron or my lack of drinking water, crappy eating and staying up late to watch the Olympics. Probably both!

Speaking of Olympics, I'm watching right now. It's currently the Women's Gymnastics - Balance Beam event final. I already know who wins, but it's still exciting to watch. Despite all the talk out there, especially around gymnastics, the Olympics have been fun to watch. Michael Phelps, the women's beach volleyball, Shawn Johnson and Nastia Liukin for gymnastics, etc... I've even found myself enjoying diving (even synchronized diving!) and want to watch the Rhythmic gymnastics on Friday. Go USA!

I guess my last update is on my cat. I know some of you have asked, and I thank you for that. There really isn't much of a positive update. He still refuses to eat on his own and shows no interest. Therefore we still have to force-feed him with the syringe. Which he hates. It absolutely breaks my heart every time I have to do that. He now basically fears when I approach him. He used to love it knowing he's get a nice scratch - not being tortured with food and then me having to wipe his face because of the food that doesn't make it into his mouth. So now he anticipates it every time he sees me go near him and starts to freak out most of the time. I made DH do it today for most of the feedings because I couldn't bear to do that to him again.

But if we don't do that, he will continue to just get worse. As it is, even when we do manage to get his pill and food down his throat, he throws it up about 50% of the time. It just makes me so sad. He's just continuing to get worse. We are beginning to think to ourselves that he may not live that much longer. And because of that, we've even begun letting him go outside on his own. He might as well enjoy however much time he has left, you know? So he has free reign of the outdoors again and can do what he loves best - hanging out in our neighbor's yard filled with flowers, and plants, a few gardens, and a fish pond. He's in heaven! And we know for a fact he's not going hear the road again - he's scared of it! Poor guy (although that does make me happy!). Some people may criticize us for letting him back out where he could get hurt, etc... Where he got hurt the first time. But we don't care - we just want him to be happy considering his current circumstances, and that is what does it. So outside he goes during the day, and snuggling inside at night with us! We love you Riley!

Spotting

So I started spotting last night and some today. I know the RE said my lining still had a little bit left to go, but if this spotting is any indication, hopefully I'll get what may resemble a period shortly and get started on the stims!

First shot of Lupron was last night for this round - pretty uneventful, but still excited that we have finally started the injections. I love when we get to this point and the action finally starts. Can't wait!

My Date with the Wand

...went well! The cyst is gone, so I am off BCP and am starting my first Lupron injection (10 iu) for IVF#2 tonight - yay! Shhh.... I actually stopped taking the BCP Sunday night since I ran out of active pills - I didn't want to have to buy a whole new pack for potentially just one more day! haha

So now I just need to wait for my period to start - which should hopefully be soon since I am off the BCP and then can start my stims.

Before I left, I asked them about my protocol for this round. The nurse didn't know what it was yet, but I expressed my concern about it being the same as last time as they only ended up retrieving 10 eggs - and out of those 10, only 4 were mature Not acceptable in my opinion. Thankfully 3 of them fertilized! She mentioned they may up my Follistim dosage, but she wasn't sure and that she'd make a note in my file about it.

If they keep me at 150 iu this time, I will question it and track my own progress. And if it's progressing the same as last time, I'll bring up the possibility of upping the dosage or stimming longer. Four eggs just isn't acceptable to me and I don't like those odds. Less than 50% of the actual eggs and an even lesser percentage of the actual number of follies that I had.

So, I guess that's it. I paid for my portion of the cycle before I left - I'm got approved for grant again this round and they don't have you pay your small fortune until you actually get approved to start the Lupron. So, let's hope this one is it - because our savings account is pretty much empty after this payment and we'll need time to build it back up again if we have to go for #3. Yikes!

On an unrelated note, I have to call the vet today to figure out next steps for the cat. He now has zero interest in food (he did before, even if just a little), so we've been force-feeding him iwth the syringes now 100%. So that makes us incredibly sad - hopefully the vet will have some good next steps. And I honestly hate to say this, but I really hope the next steps won't cost too much. After paying for this round of IVF, we just don't have the money. But, we'll do what we have to do, I guess. It just breaks my heart to see him this way.

Other than that, all is well. NOTE - what I am about to type mentions another person's pregnancy. If you don't want to read it, I would stop reading here.

I haven't typed really much about my sister's pregnancy on here because I know a lot of IF girls read this and I don't want to upset them. Although I was really sad when I first found out she was pregnant (it was a surprise pregnancy), I have gotten over that and I just can't wait for that little guy to arrive! I am just so excited for her and her Fiance! My sister has officially passed her 37 week mark so her baby is "officially" full term - yay! She is due on the 25th, but we've all taken bets on when he will come and I picked the 22nd. She and I were both born on the 22nd (of different months) and my other sister was born on the 21st of this month. So I thought it would be cool to have another 22nd birthday. They haven't told us the name yet, so I'm curious to find out what it is. It'll be nice to have a little nephew running around, although we won't get to see him a whole bunch since they live abuot 3.5 hours away. But, DH and I will do our best to get up there when she goes into labor. Can't wait!

OK, guess that's it - a lot was covered in this post! haha I hope all is well with all of you and I'll "talk" to you later!

Tomorrow = Go/No Go

So tomorrow I go back to the RE to see how the cyst is looking and if we can move forward with the Lupron shots for IVF#2 or if we have to wait. I haven't really been feeling any pain from it, so here's to hoping it's gone - or at least gone enough to move forward!

Discovery Health: The Baby Lab

I just discovered this show today. It's both interesting and, for some reason, incredibly sad. I set my DVR to record it since it's apparently a regular series. I love watching how everything goes - reminds me of what we did. But it also surprised me because it made me cry a few times throughout the show. Both sad for me - it reminds me of our failed cycle and how optimistic/nervous we felt before we heard the news and how devestated we were when we got the BFN. And also sad for them - because I know how they're feeling when they get the bad news. OMG I feel sooo bad for them - the way they look/sound is exactly how I felt. Ugh - I'm sitting here crying for them, I can't even believe it.

And, this is the weird part, I'm jealous of the women on the TV that have good embies and end up pregnant. One thing I noticed is both of the women who did get pregnant were the ones who already had natural children before. The two that didn't, don't have any children - makes you wonder. I don't have any previous children, so maybe this won't happen for me, either. I know I shouldn't, because a lot of times it's just luck on how things go. And they're in the same situation as we are needing the IVF/ICSI. I'm so stupid.

So I guess we'll see if I continue to watch this series or if I end up canceling the recordings, who knows. It just reminds me of how sad we were with the BFN from #1 and how scared we are that #2 won't work either. I don't know...

IVF#2 - CD3 Appt - I have a cyst

So - had my CD3 appointment today for IVF#2. Normally, I love walking into my RE's office. It's really comfortable, pretty, and full of optimism. But today, it was still comforting, it was still pretty. But I didn't feel as excited about being there. We all know why, obviously, but I didn't like feeling that way. I am definitely looking forward to trying again, but I'm also scared as hell that it, again, won't work.

So they checked me in, we discussed applying for the grant again for this round. I got approved - my cost share is $5k. Much better than the full $10k, but still frustrating to have to make sure we have that money. We do, but I don't like seeing all of our money disappear. Oh well - we don't technically have to pay it until I start Lupron anyway - and even then, it'll be put on my credit card so we still have a little more time to save more money before the bill is due. We will then pay it in full.

So the appointment was pretty standard - blood draw (again), lining check, and a check for cysts. Seriously, I think we give more blood than the normal person - we should definitely get some OJ and cookies, right?! Just like those who donate blood ;-)

I suspected they'd find a cyst on the left ovary based on some pain I was feeling a few days ago, and they did. They originally said I'd start Lupron on 8/02, but since I now have to go on BCP to get rid of the cyst, I have to go back for another check on 8/05 before they'll give me a new Lupron date. They said it looked like it was going away on it's own, so hopefully it'll be gone and I can start on 8/05 - only 3 days later. The good news was I didn't have to pay for a new pack of BCP - I still had some left over from before TTC - woohoo! I still find it funny that going ON birth control would actually be a part of GETTING pregnant ;-)

We also discussed my protocol. They don't have it yet, but I discussed with them how I was concerned that I only got 4 mature eggs out of about 16 follies. They said they would, of course, review my last cycle and adjust for this one. I'm curious what they'd come up with - and if it doesn't sound right to me, you can bet I will be questioning!

I also only stimmed for 9 days last time. So I will be closing monitoring how my follies are growing and I will also question how long they have me stimming. If it looks like they may be stopping me to coincide with a weekend, I'll be questioning that as well. Should I really be stopping, or are you just doing it for convenience of your schedule? Now, I'm not saying that's what they did last time, it just seemed kind of coincidental to me - ER on Friday, ET on a Monday - and only getting 4 that were mature enough. I don't know - I just may be letting my anger/sadness affect my thoughts at the moment. Probably am.

I had them confirm, as well, that my husband's frozen sperm are, in fact, still frozen and still in Syracuse which is good. We had him "deposit" multiple frozen samples in case his day of fresh sample sucked (which is a good possibility based on how bad his MFI is). Thanksfully, we didn't have to use them for IVF#1, but it's comforting to know we have them as a back-up, just in case.

I teared up again today - in the exam room while doing my mini WTF appointment. They had a big old box of tissues in there, so apparently I'm not the only one lol I made myself stop, but the sadness still hasn't gone away. I just want these next 3 weeks to go by quickly so we can get the ball rolling on this cycle. But, at least we don't have to do a break cycle - we are very thankful for that.

On a more positive note, DH surprised me again today by calling and sayinghe's taking me to lunch. He wanted to talk about today's appointment. That made me happy - he is really understanding now how everything works, is up on the lingo for the most part, and if there's something he doesn't understand, he makes sure to ask. I love that he is so caring and involved.

I LOVE YOU, BABE!

OK, guess that's it. I'll try and post a more positive post next time. I guess this was more of an update on how my appointment went, but hopefully I'll have something more interesting to talk about next time lol I hope you all are having a great day and a great cycle!