9dp 3dt

OK - Can it not be Friday already?! OMG, this is the longest 2WW I've ever had. And the following will probably sound familiar to at least one of you, but I'm going to say it anyway. I feel like my time to be positive, to be naive and assume this is going to work, etc... is quickly slipping away. In two days I will found out if this worked or not.

I keep reading - which I know is my downfall - of what others have experienced when they got pregnant. The symptoms they felt. And I of course focus on the ones that they felt and I don't. And yes, I know that everyone is different. But I JUST WANT TO KNOW!

Yet, I am deathly afraid to pee on that stick. I can't face the reality of knowing - especially if it's a BFN. Not sure how I'd take it. I know it'll take some time to be crushed, upset, etc... And I'd like to think I'd bounce back pretty quickly and say ok - time to start IVF#2 - and that one WILL work. But I know it's not that simple. I know it. But it's just so hard to tell myself - to make myself realize all of this. That this might work. That this might NOT work. Or that the next cycle will/won't work. It still gets me sometimes that we can't just have sex and get pregnant the old fashioned way like "normal" people.

But in our world, IUI, IVF, injections - THAT is what is now normal. At times it's exciting, at times it's down right unbelievable. At least while I'm cycling and doing the injections I feel like I'm doing something - that I am positively doing something to make our baby. But this whole waiting around thing is enough to make someone insane at times. And no, I don't think about it all the time. But the closer we get, the harder it is NOT to think about it. I keep thinking to myself - if this end up not working, was it because of something I did? During the 2ww? That my body isn't going to ever do this? Right now it's just MFI why we need to do IVF. But who knows - maybe my own body has tricks of it's own that haven't been discovered yet. I don't know.

But, I guess, I'll just keep telling myself - I am pregnant until proven otherwise, right? RIGHT?