I want to tell...

Yup - another post today - I sometimes don't think to add things until I've already posted, and then don't want to have to go in and update an old post. But there are times when I really want to tell people about IVF - about what we're doing. I know - lots of girls on the Nest know, but it's not really the same. I want to be able to talk to my mom, my sisters (one of which is pregnant), etc... To be able to talk to people in real life about it.

Granted, there are 2 people who know. One of my friends/co-workers because I broke down one day after having to take yet more time off of work. And another is one of my best friends - she accidentally saw something we left out (oops) and I know she saw it, so I talked to her about it. Both have been fantastic and really supportive - and someone to talk to about it other than poor DH having to hear about it. They are both genuinely interesting and that's great - especially since I love talking about it! haha I just wish I could get myself to tell someone in my family - or even DH's.

Granted - what I wrote above doesn't mean that DH doesn't want to talk about it. I actually asked him again the other night during one of our late-night walks if I was talking about it too much and he said absolutely not. He is very excited about all of this - as much as I am!

As a matter of fact, he made a comment that just made me love him even more. He is the type of person that doesn't really let himself get too excited about things until the day of, day before, or basically only once it gets closer. He was like - I got really excited about proposing the morning of. For the wedding, I got really excited the day before. But for this, at the prospect of us getting pregnant, that he has been excited for so long, and it just keeps building and he can't wait for the ER and ET! (and no, that doesn't mean he wasn't excited about proposing or getting married - he really was! it's just how he works ;-) )

When we went home for Father's Day I had to put my Lupron in the fridge. I hid it pretty well, but I have to admit. I was secretly hoping someone would find it and ask what it was for. Although DH and I did work out a story that it was a med for our cat who we had to bring with us since he was, truly, on meds at the time for the accident. Just not Lupron ;-)

But no one found it. And no one accidentally walked in while we were doing my shots or accidentally saw my needles, etc... I really didn't expect them to. But part of me was secretly hoping they would so it would be a good opener. Does that make sense?

I don't think any of them would be unsupportive. Well - maybe my dad who is super-religious, but I've got ammo to fight that battle should it arrive! haha On the contrary, I think they would all be curious and very supportive. But I think that may be part of what's holding me back. I like talking about it, but not sure i want to go through it a thousand times with them in case they didn't get it (although they probably would). And I'm not sure I'd want to deal with the questions all the time. Although maybe I might like it?! And finally, I want my BFP announcement to be a surprise. And if I told them about the ER, the ET, and the 2WW, then it really wouldn't be a surprise - as much as a - guess what - I'm 3 mos pregnant! That may just sound crazy to you, I don't know. But I can't just get myself to do it. DH even said I could tell them, but I just haven't.

His family would be supportive as well, although they would have a LOT more questions - at leat his parents would. Both DH and his parents were adopted since his parents couldn't have children. But they are definitely older and not sure if they would understand everything. His dad is the kind of guy who likes to ask lots of questions, so maybe by the end he would! haha But, DH doens't want to tell them - or anyone else really - so I respect that. He does know, though, about my two friends knowing.

He went home to his parents for the wedding a couple weekends ago and the night before the wedding he and a friend of his got pretty drunk and they started talking about babies. The subject sort of came up (friend think we are looking into doing IUI like another common friend of ours). DH didn't want to get into it too much and based on how they sounded that night, I don't think the friend would remember the conversation anyway! LOL

We have talked about possibly discussing it with the above friends who went through IUI, but haven't really had the opportunity. We're going out there again this week for vacation, so if we see them, maybe we will. Or maybe we won't!

OK, I think I have typed enough. I've written, yet again, another novel. I just type as things fall out of my head. I hope you have a great day and thanks for reading!

Stim Check #2!

Went in today for Stim Check #2 and so far, so good - we are still on track for the ER to be this Friday - THIS FRIDAY! Yay! Actually saw a doctor this time. In the past, it's usually one of the nurses who draws the blood, does the ultrasound, etc... The only time I had seen an actual doctor was at the HSG/SHG. Not that I mind - the nurses are great. I was just curious if the only time I'd see them was at an actual procedure! lol


But nope, saw one today. He did the actual measuring. He only measured the top 5 on each side - the others were small, so I'm guessing he didn't bother measuring those. He said my lining is looking great, too! Here are the measurements as of this morning (mm):


Left: 16.2, 16.1, 14.8, 12.2, 11.3

Right: 17.7, 15.4, 13.6, 12.2, 12.1


Not bad - they're getting there! They kept me on the same Follistim and Lupron protocol and I go back on Wednesday morning for my next check. Honestly? I can't wait!


I look forward to each each time to see how things are progessing. They asked me today how things were going and how I was feeling. I told them I actually like doing the shots - makes me feel empowered - like I'm actually doing something about it, you know? Does that make sense? Although I do have to admit my belly is getting a little sore from the injections - to the touch. I think I need to vary up my locations more than I do. I've got some nice bruises and needle prick marks in this belly of mine! My latest Lupron actually resulted in a nice little bump - it eventually went away, but it was pretty funky to see!





The biggest, and honestly, the only side effect I really have right now is I can feel my ovaries. With every step I take, when I go to the bathroom, when I sit down, etc... I can feel them. I sometimes feel this when I am on a regular cycle, but not nearly this much. I can definitely tell I'm growing a bunch of follies in there! It's kind of a sharp ache in each location - not really sure how to describe it. Kind of annoying/uncomfortable, but nothing painful by any means. Guess we'll see how I feel in another day or so when they're even bigger!


Speaking of bigger - I know they want the follies to be between 18-22 mm for the trigger. But I honestly never stopped to think about how big that really is. I tracked down a metric ruler today at work just to see for myself. Definitely bigger than I realized! And to combine that with about 14-16 of them in there? No wonder I can feel them and girls feel full/heavy at the end! haha


OK, guess that's it for now. Time for bed. In case you haven't noticed, I pretty much ramble and type as I "speak it' - don't really supress any of it - so if you've made it this far, nice job!

Stim Day #2

Nothing too exciting last night and still not feeling anything different. I'm really tired today, but that most likely has nothing to do with my injections but who knows. Guess I'll wait it out and see.

On a side note, I haven't actually checked, but I think the needle in the Follistim pen must be thicker than the one I use for the Lupron. I say this only because both nights so far I have felt the Follistim needle going in, but not the Lupron. That and every time I pull out the Follistim needle I bleed. I don't with the Lupron needle. So, whether it's true or not, I'm sticking with my theory! ;-)

Also - I learned valuable lesson last night. Always read the labels/boxes that come with things. My Follistim cartridges are 300 iu. Each night, I inject 150 iu. So one would think that after two nights, the cartridge would be empty - you know, 150 + 150 = 300 = empty cartridge. But nope - there was some left over. So I freaked out a bit thinking - did I dial the pen wrong? Did it not come out? Did I not give myself the right dose?

But, thanks to the wonderful ladies on the Nest's TTTC, they kindly pointed out that they always overfill the cartridges - and, go figure, it's right on the box and the insert had I actually bothered to read it. Oops! Good to know, though - that way there's always enough to fill your pen and, if I for some reason need to stim extra, I may be able to fill up the pen with the leftovers from each cartridge. Not bad, eh?!

OK, guess that's it for now.

Stim Day #1

So tonight was our first stim injection. DH was kind of nervous because the Follistim pen (blue & yellow item in pic below) looks so different than the regular sub-q needle, but he did think it was pretty cool that it literally looked like a pen - just fatter! lol


In case anyone's curious about what's in the picture: (clockwise from top/left)

• Alcohol and cotton balls since I ran out of alcohol wipes
• 5 boxes of Follistim cartriges and needles (silver)
• The inside of one of the boxes (white/pink)
• Lupron (little bottle)
• Lupron needle
• Follistim pen
• Follistim case

So we walked through the instructions together to load it and put it together - and then he injected me! So far, so good - it's only day one, so not really expecting to feel anything just yet. But I hear that towards the end of stimming, I'm going to feel quite hormonal, bloated, sore belly, and just "full/heavy" feeling. Then off to the egg removal and embryo transfer!!

Some side effects...

Lupron Day 12. As I think I've mentioned previously, I've been really lucky as far as side effects so far. Some of the symptoms of Lupron are headaches, tiredness, moody, etc... And I've felt each of those, but i can't guarantee it's from Lupron and not others. For example - I often get headaches - usually due to lack of water, old contacts, staring at a computer all day and stress. I've been tired and moody, but I've also been under a lot of stress at work and more so in caring for my cat - and not sleeping much at night until recently as I've had to get up throughout the night to check on him. So who knows - they could be side effects of Lupron, or of everyday life!

But, there are some side effects that are definitely from the Lupron - although minor. For one, I've had a bit of bruising - I'm thinking it's from one of the times in the beginning where we pinched the skin really hard for the needle - oops!

And then every once and a while, after an injection, I get red and itchy at the injection site and a little bump - not sure if it's fluid or just from the injection.

Doesn't last long - 20 mins, maybe? I have to admit I kind of like it when it does happen - kind of makes me feel like this is real and something is really happening, you know? Especially since other (possible?!) side effects have been so minor. Yay for that!

Nothing.

Nope - still no period. Nothing since the once time spotting I had on Friday. Zilch. I can't start the next phase of IVF until I get my period. I know Lupron kind of delays things in that arena, but I was supposed to get it on Saturday - so start already! I called my RE to cancel the appointment I had for today and they said that if I still don't get it by Friday to call and I'll have an appointment on Monday regardless. So here's to hoping it shows on it's own and earlier.

The next phase in this whole process is where I start taking Bravelle with my Lupron. The Bravelle is injected to stimulate my ovaries to produce lots and lots of eggs. And I keep taking the Lupron so suppress any natural ovulation by my body until the eggs/follicles are big enough to be triggered to ovulate. And then once I do the trigger, they'll go in, retrieve all of the eggs, fertilize them with ICSI and then a few days later transfer a few fertilized ones back in.

So say it with me everyone - come on period - show your face! ;-)

Wanna See?

Today was Day #2 of me giving myself my own shots - and once again, I have to say I'm goooood! lol Although I did find I was squeezing my belly a little too much and I couldn't get the needle through my pinched area under the skin, but once I loosened up a little, the needle actually had room to go in haha.

I got a new camera for my birthday, so I thought I'd play around with it a bit tonight and I attempted to use the feature to take my own picture as I did it. They came out kinda sucky, but you get the idea! lol Oh - and don't mind the belly fat - I'm working on getting rid of that - that was so not there last year - yikes!

I shot myself!

Today is Lupron day #7. DH is out of town this weekend for a friend's wedding and I'm here with kitty. He usually does my injections, but since he's out of town, it was all me. And I have to say, it was no problem at all - I did a good job! lol

I started spotting today, so that generally means I should be getting my period tomorrow, making tomorrow Cycle Day 1. So that means on Cycle Day 3 I need to go into the RE's office for an ultrasound to see if I am sufficiently suppressed - well, if my ovaries are anyway! ;-) And if they are, then I get to start Bravelle which will stimulate my ovaries to (hopefully!) produce lots and lots of eggs/follicles. While I'm Bravelle, I'll stay on Lupron to make sure my ovaries stay sufficiently suppressed so they don't ovulate on my own and we lose all the eggs I'll produce. I'll be monitored every 1-2 days to make sure they're growing ok and nothing is going wrong. And then once they're the right size (18mm+) they'll remove the eggs, fertilize them with DH's sperm through Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI) - meaning they'll inject a single sperm directly into an egg to increase the odds of fertilization. Then, 3-5 days later, they'll put a couple fertilized embryos back in!

For a quick kitty update. As of yesterday and today, kitty can't keep anything down, so I called the vet and they made an appt. for tomorrow. Hopefully everything will be ok!

Ouch!

Tonight is the first Lupron shot that has really hurt. Really. I'm not sure what happened, but the needle hurt going in, the Lupron hurt going in and the area of the shot hurt to even be touched lightly for the rest of the night. Hope the rest of them aren't this way, ouch!

Drive by Shooting ;-)

Tonight my husband and I went to see the varsity lacrosse team where he works play in the sectional semi-finals. They were up against the number one team in the country and ended up losing, but it was still fun to go. He used to coach this team for many years, but he has since given up coaching at varsity and dealing with all of the stress that comes with it and now works on the JV level. I'm sure he would love to just not coach at all any more, but I have to admit it's nice getting the coaching checks - especially now that we have IVF to pay for!

So - tonight was the first time that we weren't going to be home for my injection. We do them around 8:00 every night and 8:00 happened to fall while we were going to be at the game. So I bagged up my Lupron in a little lunch cooler I have to keep it chilled since it was warm out and packed up the needles and the rest of the "gear" and brought it with us. We couldn't really wash our hands at the game, so we did a mock wash, I guess you could call it. We used the anti-bacterial stuff you rub into your hands and then used an alcohol wipe to finish it off. And then I bared belly in our car at halftime and he shot me up! LOL It was actually the best shot we've done so far - no pain at all - I didn't even know he had done it - sweet!

IVF #1 - GO!

So - tonight we start the first of many injections. Tonight we start with the Lupron. Just to give a general background on how this all works:

- Initally, you go in for some bloodwork and for some exams - an HSG and an SHG. Basically, the SHG is a sonogram where thy look at the shape of my uterus, take measurements, etc... The HSG is where they thread a catheter through my cervix and into my uterus. Once in, they inject a dye into my uterus to watch it fill up and into my fallopian tubes to make sure everything looks clear and ready to go. My left tube was a little stubborn to fill up, but it did. I won't be needing them since we're going IVF, but it's nice to know they're there and are open!

I had REALLY bad cramps when they initially put the catheter in and when they were injecting the dye. Like really bad. But once they stopped, I didn't have any risidual side effects which was great! I know some girls have had cramping the rest of the entire day - I was lucky!

- More to come (I promise!)

Just for fun, I took a picture of my belly before we started the whole process. From what I hear, this whole process can make you pretty bloated. I don't mind - it'll all be worth it - especially if the bloated IVF belly turns into a bloated pregnant belly!

Injections Class!

I went in to my RE's office (Reproductive Endocrynologist) and had my injections training class. The drugs I have to take for the IVF procedure are all administred via inection. The nurse (who was pregnant!) taught me how to set everything up, fill it up, etc... Didn't actually do an injection, but I feel pretty confident on how to do it and I'll show my husband how to do it when it comes time on Saturday. He really wants to be involved, so this is a good opportunity for him!

I am definitely looking forward to getting everything started on Saturday. I have the Lupron, the needles, and associated paraphernalia all ready to go, so now Saturday just needs to get here!