Spot On

TMI warning ahead. So yesterday was CD18. I am still on BCP for the cyst from last cycle. When I went to the bathroom last night I didn't have just spotting, I had full on red flow. Weird! I have had minor spotting since then which is good that it hasn't been a full on period, but how weird is that? It's not like I'm ovulating or am getting my period or anything since I'm on the BCP but yet there was definite red. Oh well, at least it's gone, I guess.

And today we took Riley to the vet. Again. But this time it was another vet. I just wanted a second opinion. Plus, I felt weird about bringing him back to the same vet - afraid it would feel like I was questioning their expertise, you know? But like I've posted before, it's not like Riley doesn't WANT to eat, but when you watch him, it's almost like he CAN'T eat.

So one of the girls on the TTC6+ nest board is a vet and we emailed back and forth last night - she was so helpful! I brought the info she gave me to the vet today aned a lot of what she discussed, they talked about. The new vet did a thorough exam of his mouth, jaw, tongue, etc... and said she can't find anything, physically, that seems to be causing him pain or difficulty to eat (same as the other vet, the xrays, etc...). So what she's thinking is that since he took the brunt of the car accident to his face, he may have some nerve damage (perhaps where the gum pulled away from the bone?). And apparently nerve damage can take a LONG time to heal and impede with eating, coordination, pain, etc...

So she gave us enough syringes of pain medication to last through the weekend and we're to call her on Monday to see if they worked or not. If the pain medication is helping with the possible nerve damage enough for him to be able to eat. She also gave us a couple of bigger syringes that we can use to put food into to continue to force feed him with. If that doesn't work we will move on - perhaps another appetite med or to an MRI, CT or other treatment to check for nerve damage. But, she did agree with us doing the force/manual feeding if he doesn't. Because, as the lovely Nestie mentioned, not eating can cause problems of it's own, including fat build up in the liver (or was it kidneys?) - fat build up that is used to sustain himself since he's not taking in food.

So, I guess that's it for now. Pain killer syringes twice a day, force feeding, and lots of love! Oh - and I'm taking tomorrow off from work - yay! I think we are going to go for a hike and then a picnic in the afternoon and then go to the Drive-In and see the Dark Knight and Stepbrothers that night. Can't wait!

Have a great day everyone!

Wedding Pictures

I realized today after posting the pictures below of the flowers DH got me yesterday that I wanted to put in some wedding pictures since our 1st Anniversary was last week. I wasn't going to because I didn't want to put the faces of our family/friends out here, but then I realized I already had! So - here are some of my favorites (and yes, I know, I got out of control and there's a lot - sorry!):

Me and my dad - I loved this moment - walking with him and seeing DH at the end waiting for me - amazing!

Just a picture I like from during the ceremony:

This kiss!

We're married!

Everyone at the wedding:

Ceremony location at the Manor:

I was the first grandchild to get married - she was so happy!

The cake (so pretty!):

Some Formals:

My family:

Me and my parents:

Both of our families together:

DH and his sister:

Our bridal party and us:

The dances:

Us:

Me and My Dad (who does NOT like his picture taken or being the center of attention - which he was more than once that day and did it so well!):

DH and his Mom:

A picture of my handsome husband:

I just love these pictures of us - it was such a happy day!

Hope I didn't bore you - but I love looking at them at least, so thanks for looking!

Flowers and Pictures

When I got home last night after a very long day at work, I found flowers waiting for me on the table with a little note from DH - so pretty! He said he wanted to give them to me on Monday when he got home, but he thought it'd be a bigger surprise to have them on a random Tuesday. So sweet of him! Riley even tried to eat the small pink roses in front - go figure. Of all things he actually wants to eat! haha

Not the best photography in the world, but here are some pics for fun:

How cute is my DH!

Adorable Puppies!

OK, so I lied - I apparently wasn't done with my posts for today. I saw this link and just had to share it - it was too cute not to!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCnAjel02lM

Also, on a pet related note, my sister sent me this link on why cat's don't eat and some things to try - it has a lot of good info in it! I've also decided to start force-feeding him the baby food/soft cat food so he's at least getting something.

http://cats.suite101.com/article.cfm/why_isnt_my_cat_eating

OK, now I'm done - have a great day!

DH Comes Home Today!

I'm so excited! It has been 10 days since I last saw him! He finally got somewhere yesterday afternoon that had telephones so he called me to say hi and see how things are going. And then once they got back into cell phone range he called a few more times just to chat, check on that cat, see how things are and give an update as to where they are. He should be getting home any minute now and then give me a call - he said he's going to meet me for lunch - can't wait! I want to hear all about his trip.

I would have loved to have been home when he got there to give him a big old hug and kiss, but I'm actually also happy that I'm not. I cleaned up the house extra nice (yeah, I know, woo hoo haha), cut out letters from colorful construction paper and made him a Welcome Home sign and then wrote out a few cards and spread them throughout the house for him to find. I wanted to make him brownies this morning so the house would smell really good and he'd have a nice treat waiting for him, but I realized I didn't have a mix and didn't want to take the time to make them from scratch this morning while getting ready. So, instead, I made corn bread. And equal substitute, right?! haha But, he loves corn bread and I added some of the jalapeno's from the garden, so that'll be a nice treat for him, hopefully.

OK - guess that's it - just wanted to say yay that he's coming home and I can't wait to see him!

Why won't you eat?!

Right now, I really wish I could just switch places with my cat so I can get into that little head of his to figure what is going on. He has lost about 6 pounds since he got hit by the car two months ago - it's scary. That's what a human should lose in that time period, not a little cat. At the beginning, he was eating just fine. And then one day, BAM. He can't hold anything down. We FINALLY get that under control, but now that he's not throwing up, he's not eating. he'll eat sometimes on his own, but it's rare. It looks like he wants to, but he just doesn't. He'll walk into the kitchen where all of his food is and look at it, like he wants to, but then just walks away. I have even put random stashes of food around the house hoping it'll remind him that he wants to eat.

Sometimes if I give him something in my hand cat food, turkey, whatever, he'll eat it, but not for very long. I have even tried the baby food that the vet recommended and doesn't really want that, either.

When he does eat, a lot of it seems to not even stay in his mouth. Like he can't eat anymore. I just don't understand. I brought him to the vet on Friday and brought some food, and I brought food with us to show the vet how he ate. He ate one piece just fine, and then the other one sort of fell out of his mouth, and then he didn't want anymore. Vet didn't seeem too concerned, I don't know.

He is still on the medicine to aid in moving food through his digestive track to stop him from vomiting. And now he's on a human anti-depressant - Mirtazapine. Given in very small doses to cats (1/4 of a pill every 3 days) it actually acts to give them the munchies. Hopefully it works. And if it does work, hopefully it'll make him hungry AND he can actually keep the food in his mouth. It would be terrible if it made him hungry, but he won't be able to keep it in his mouth to actually eat it. Can you imagine?!

But it just seriously worries me and I don't know what else to do. If he keeps losing weight like he is, he is going to die.

Twin Moose Playing In Sprinkler

This is just to precious not to share. Babies of all sorts are just amazing, beautiful, and happy, playful things - no wonder we want them!

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=yNy9jTeolUk

I hope this brings a smile to your face and warms your heart - have a great weekend!

Meme

Shawna tagged me for this meme...All you have to do is answer the questions with one word, and tag four people. This is my first one, and since I'm sitting here just waiting, I figured, why not!

1. Where is your cell phone? desk
2. Your significant other? fishing
3. Your hair? brown
4. Your mother? best
5. Your father? work-a-holic
6. Your favorite thing? husband
7. Your dream last night? forgotten
8. Your favorite drink? tropical
9. Your dream/goal? Happiness
10. The room you’re in? Cubicle
11. Your hobby? Nesting
12. Your fear? death
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? mommy
14. What you’re not? pregnant
15. Muffins? chocolate
16. One of your wish list items? babies
17. Where you grew up? NYS
18. The last thing you did? email
19. What are you wearing? clothes
20. Favorite gadget? computer
21. Your pets? sick
22. Your computer? laptop
23. Your mood? tired
24. Missing someone? husband
25. Your car? black
26. Something you’re not wearing? socks
27. Favorite store? Target
28. Like someone? yes
29. Your favorite color? many
30. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday?
31. Last time you cried? yesterday

As for the 4 people - I'm not sure who, besides Shawna and maybe Nikki actually read my blog, but I'll tag a few blogs I read just in case they read mine: Nikki who's in the lovely 2WW,
Mrs. Gou who is wondefully pregnant!, t.bird who has the cutest doggies ever!, and Chrysallys who needs all the support and distraction she can get right now.

I wish you all the best!

Rain, Rain, Go Away...

Enough already! There are plenty of areas in this country that desperately need the rain - can you visit them instead?

But, I'll take the rain any day over hail or even the evil 4-lettered word SNOW! ;-)

Status Quo

Hey there - nothing too exciting going on right now, so haven't posted much. Just kind of playing the waiting game right now until my next appointment and we can get started again.

Our garden is really starting to produce some veggies now. Jalapenos are still growing like it's nobody's business (there are sooo many!), picked our first tomatoe yesterday, red bell peppers and cucumbers are starting to grow, radishes are sucking (flowering, but not really any actual radish - hmmm), lettuce has already been picked a few times and summer squash is still flowering. They all seem to be male flowers on the summer squash, though - I'd like at least ONE female flower so we can actually get a squash out of it! But, if now, at least the flowers are pretty to look at.

Other than that, just work as usual. Trying to take the cat out as many times a day as possible so he can get some outside time during the nice weather. I won't let him outside by himself anymore, so this may suck during the winter lol. And lastly, just waiting for DH to get home Sunday night/Monday morning. I've been missing him, so have sent him some text messages when I do. He won't get them until he gets back into civilization, but it at least makes me FEEL like I'm talking to him! haha

OK, that's it. I hope everyone is doing well (good luck tomorrow Shawna) and have a great day!

Happy Anniversary to Us!

OK - after that last sad, oh woe is me, post, I decided to snap myself out of it (sorry about that!), and write about some good news.

TODAY IS OUR 1ST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!

Yay! As I mentioned below, DH is out of town, but we've already gotten calls from my sister in Australia and from DH's sister - yay! And tonight my BF and I are going to go out to dinner and some ice ream. Can't wait!

And then when DH gets back this weekend we'll figure out what we do for anniversary part 2 where we actually get to go away and spent some time together. I love this man so much and I cannot wait to spend many, many more years with his - he's my best friend and the love of my life. I love you T, and can't wait for you to get home!

Discovery Health: The Baby Lab

I just discovered this show today. It's both interesting and, for some reason, incredibly sad. I set my DVR to record it since it's apparently a regular series. I love watching how everything goes - reminds me of what we did. But it also surprised me because it made me cry a few times throughout the show. Both sad for me - it reminds me of our failed cycle and how optimistic/nervous we felt before we heard the news and how devestated we were when we got the BFN. And also sad for them - because I know how they're feeling when they get the bad news. OMG I feel sooo bad for them - the way they look/sound is exactly how I felt. Ugh - I'm sitting here crying for them, I can't even believe it.

And, this is the weird part, I'm jealous of the women on the TV that have good embies and end up pregnant. One thing I noticed is both of the women who did get pregnant were the ones who already had natural children before. The two that didn't, don't have any children - makes you wonder. I don't have any previous children, so maybe this won't happen for me, either. I know I shouldn't, because a lot of times it's just luck on how things go. And they're in the same situation as we are needing the IVF/ICSI. I'm so stupid.

So I guess we'll see if I continue to watch this series or if I end up canceling the recordings, who knows. It just reminds me of how sad we were with the BFN from #1 and how scared we are that #2 won't work either. I don't know...

I'm a Bachelorette

For a little over a week. DH got offered a fishing trip to Northern Quebec (for free!) that I couldn't let him pass up, so I dropped him off last night at his ride's house and he is already in Canada, on his way to the North. There won't be any cell service or phone/computer access so I won't get to hear from him until next weekend sometime when they're on their way back home.

We've been away from each other for this amount of time, but we've at least been able to chat. Not saying we can't do it, but we just love talking to each other. Especially this coming Monday which will be our 1st wedding anniversary.

We were going to go to Jamaica for our 1st anniversary, but as we know, we had to cancel that one since it ended up falling during our 1st IVF cycle. Then we were going to go to Portland, ME this weekend, but we cancalled that so he could go on his trip. We were looking at rescheduling, but all of the hotels we want to stay at are booked for pretty much the rest of the summer - oops!

So now we're trying to figure where to go and when for our Anniversary. It may end up being in September at this poing! lol But, if it is, it'll have to coincide with a day already DH gets off. Since he's a teacher, it's not as easy for him to just take time off like it is for me. He gets lots of time off, but it's not as flexible when he does, you know?

So this week I am going to spend time cleaning up around the house, running errands, watching chick flicks and treating myself for dinner a couple of times. That, and figuring out where to go for our anniversary - any ideas?!

Good luck Shawna!

I wanted to wish Shawna, my most faithful reader and commenter, the best of luck at her u/s tomorrow! She got her IVF BFP not too long ago and I can't wait to hear how it goes!

Please wish her luck, everyone!

Sex - Finally!

We had sex last night and it was awesome. And will probably again tonight. I know, it's TMI, but I don't care. It's my blog ;-)

Because of DH's MFI, he had to supply a few frozen samples last cycle. And for each one, we had to abstain from sex for a few days to get his count up. So based on the time spent abstaining for those, my period during the cycle, then the no sex prior to the ER/ET, then the no sex allowed during the 2WW after and then we just don't like to have sex during my period - let's just say there was little sex action over the last month or so.

Last night was much needed and much enjoyed ;-)

IVF#2 - CD3 Appt - I have a cyst

So - had my CD3 appointment today for IVF#2. Normally, I love walking into my RE's office. It's really comfortable, pretty, and full of optimism. But today, it was still comforting, it was still pretty. But I didn't feel as excited about being there. We all know why, obviously, but I didn't like feeling that way. I am definitely looking forward to trying again, but I'm also scared as hell that it, again, won't work.

So they checked me in, we discussed applying for the grant again for this round. I got approved - my cost share is $5k. Much better than the full $10k, but still frustrating to have to make sure we have that money. We do, but I don't like seeing all of our money disappear. Oh well - we don't technically have to pay it until I start Lupron anyway - and even then, it'll be put on my credit card so we still have a little more time to save more money before the bill is due. We will then pay it in full.

So the appointment was pretty standard - blood draw (again), lining check, and a check for cysts. Seriously, I think we give more blood than the normal person - we should definitely get some OJ and cookies, right?! Just like those who donate blood ;-)

I suspected they'd find a cyst on the left ovary based on some pain I was feeling a few days ago, and they did. They originally said I'd start Lupron on 8/02, but since I now have to go on BCP to get rid of the cyst, I have to go back for another check on 8/05 before they'll give me a new Lupron date. They said it looked like it was going away on it's own, so hopefully it'll be gone and I can start on 8/05 - only 3 days later. The good news was I didn't have to pay for a new pack of BCP - I still had some left over from before TTC - woohoo! I still find it funny that going ON birth control would actually be a part of GETTING pregnant ;-)

We also discussed my protocol. They don't have it yet, but I discussed with them how I was concerned that I only got 4 mature eggs out of about 16 follies. They said they would, of course, review my last cycle and adjust for this one. I'm curious what they'd come up with - and if it doesn't sound right to me, you can bet I will be questioning!

I also only stimmed for 9 days last time. So I will be closing monitoring how my follies are growing and I will also question how long they have me stimming. If it looks like they may be stopping me to coincide with a weekend, I'll be questioning that as well. Should I really be stopping, or are you just doing it for convenience of your schedule? Now, I'm not saying that's what they did last time, it just seemed kind of coincidental to me - ER on Friday, ET on a Monday - and only getting 4 that were mature enough. I don't know - I just may be letting my anger/sadness affect my thoughts at the moment. Probably am.

I had them confirm, as well, that my husband's frozen sperm are, in fact, still frozen and still in Syracuse which is good. We had him "deposit" multiple frozen samples in case his day of fresh sample sucked (which is a good possibility based on how bad his MFI is). Thanksfully, we didn't have to use them for IVF#1, but it's comforting to know we have them as a back-up, just in case.

I teared up again today - in the exam room while doing my mini WTF appointment. They had a big old box of tissues in there, so apparently I'm not the only one lol I made myself stop, but the sadness still hasn't gone away. I just want these next 3 weeks to go by quickly so we can get the ball rolling on this cycle. But, at least we don't have to do a break cycle - we are very thankful for that.

On a more positive note, DH surprised me again today by calling and sayinghe's taking me to lunch. He wanted to talk about today's appointment. That made me happy - he is really understanding now how everything works, is up on the lingo for the most part, and if there's something he doesn't understand, he makes sure to ask. I love that he is so caring and involved.

I LOVE YOU, BABE!

OK, guess that's it. I'll try and post a more positive post next time. I guess this was more of an update on how my appointment went, but hopefully I'll have something more interesting to talk about next time lol I hope you all are having a great day and a great cycle!

Apparently I'm NOT Over It

I thought I had come to terms with IVF#1 failing and was all done with the crying. But apparently not. A girl at work knows what we are doing (one of the very few who do) and I texted her on Saturday when we found out, so she knew coming in this morning. I thought I was ok with everything now so when she asked me how I was doing, I was surprised that I started tearing up. Same thing happened when I went to tell my boss that I would once again need more time off for appointments. So, apparently I'm not as ok with it as I thought. Oops!

Change of Topic - Riley Pics!

I thought I'd change the topic off of my depressing IVF posts to pics of my cat. I know you probably don't want to see them, but they make me happy! Especially now that he's finally recovering from his car accident!

Let's start off on a racy one ;-) He likes to get into small spaces - apparently including the drying rack - and accidentally walking into my underwear - oops!



This was just after his first surgery - had to get part of his tail amputated and put into a cast (yes, he's used up a few of his 9 lives!). Watching him jump up onto things with that cast on was pretty funny, too!:


Ah, comfy...



Get your own remote...



Just a cute pic outside:



I caught him drinking out of the toilet one day - yuck!



My birthday a couple years ago - doesn't he look just oh so excited!



Here fishy, fishy, fishy...



Take me to the gym, I wanna go!



Is it bedtime yet?



We call this move "Jumbo Shrimp" ;-)



I like my new "bed"!



Hungry! We make graham cracker houses every Christmas and every year, he manages to nibble on it when he thinks we're not looking ;-)



I'm thirsty!



You can't see me!




Thanks for looking!

12:31

Yup. That's the time we finally dragged ourselves out of bed today. We just didn't want to get out of bed and face reality. It was much easier to just stay there, chat some, sleep some, pet the cat. But, eventually, we got our butts out of bed and today is much better than yesterday. We are still really sad, angry, and a bit confused, but definitely better than yesterday.

I keep running questions through my head, over and over again. Why didn't it work? There were 3 of them in there - and not even one stuck? Why? Was it something I did during the 2WW? Is there something about my body that we don't know about yet that won't let our little embies stick? Ever? Or maybe something wrong with my eggs? Or maybe something in DH's sperm causes the embies to not be viable? What if it fails again for IVF#2? Or #3? Or ever?

I know there are options out there other than IVF but right now we don't want to venture there. We want this to work. Badly.

And it breaks my heart to see the effect this has on my husband. I had the nurse on speaker phone yesterday when she broke the nerve. And not only did I start crying, but so did he. And I hate how it makes him so sad. I think it's sometimes easy for us to get caught up in how we're feeling we forget that it affects the husbands, too. He even made a comment I have heard so many others make - that he is jealous of others around us who have had babies - and so easily - the good old fashioned way.

He has been so supportive of me and everything we have put my body through to go this far - and about to venture into again. I think I am going to make sure to spend some extra time spoiling DH. Sometimes I think he feels left out of sorts - like he can't contribute as much, if that makes sense? Not in a bad way, just that he can't do more to help me. But I don't see it that way - I think he has been so supportive throughout the whole thing - both physically (ie: administering the shots and catering to me) and mentally. And I love him so much for this. I honestly think this has made our relationship even stronger than it was.

DH - I know you don't read this, but I love you very, very much. You are going to make an amazing father and I can't wait to see you with a baby in your arms and that smile on your face. MUAH!

Not Pregnant

Nope. Not at all.

10d3pt - Beta in 47 minutes!

Aaaah!! I made it without POAS. I am very proud of myself. Now I just need to make it 47 minutes to have them draw that blood and then however much longer for them to actually call me back with the number.

I'm off work today so I'm hoping to get some errands done to get my/our minds off it.

Oh! Now it's only 45 minutes away - wish us luck!

Heard this song today...

I heard this song today and I can't stop listening to it. I don't have children yet (maybe in my belly?!), but you can bet I'll be listening to this and thinking about them when I do. I don't know how to describe it other than haunting and beautiful all at the same time. I can't stop listening to it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDJ23zsHlwk

Lyrics in case you want them:

In My Arms
Plumb

Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your curlicues
Your contagious smile

And as I watch
You start to grow up
All I can do
Is hold you tight
Knowing clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be
Safe
In my arms

Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be
Safe
In my arms

Story books
Are full of fairy tales
Of kings and queens
And the bluest skies
My heart is torn
Just in knowing
You'll someday see
The truth for lies

When the clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be
Safe
In my arms

Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be
Safe
In my arms

Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
Cause I will always
Always love you

Hey I
Hey I
Will love

Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be
Safe
In my arms

Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be
Safe
In my arms
In my arms

* * *


Hope you enjoy it too!

9dp 3dt

OK - Can it not be Friday already?! OMG, this is the longest 2WW I've ever had. And the following will probably sound familiar to at least one of you, but I'm going to say it anyway. I feel like my time to be positive, to be naive and assume this is going to work, etc... is quickly slipping away. In two days I will found out if this worked or not.

I keep reading - which I know is my downfall - of what others have experienced when they got pregnant. The symptoms they felt. And I of course focus on the ones that they felt and I don't. And yes, I know that everyone is different. But I JUST WANT TO KNOW!

Yet, I am deathly afraid to pee on that stick. I can't face the reality of knowing - especially if it's a BFN. Not sure how I'd take it. I know it'll take some time to be crushed, upset, etc... And I'd like to think I'd bounce back pretty quickly and say ok - time to start IVF#2 - and that one WILL work. But I know it's not that simple. I know it. But it's just so hard to tell myself - to make myself realize all of this. That this might work. That this might NOT work. Or that the next cycle will/won't work. It still gets me sometimes that we can't just have sex and get pregnant the old fashioned way like "normal" people.

But in our world, IUI, IVF, injections - THAT is what is now normal. At times it's exciting, at times it's down right unbelievable. At least while I'm cycling and doing the injections I feel like I'm doing something - that I am positively doing something to make our baby. But this whole waiting around thing is enough to make someone insane at times. And no, I don't think about it all the time. But the closer we get, the harder it is NOT to think about it. I keep thinking to myself - if this end up not working, was it because of something I did? During the 2ww? That my body isn't going to ever do this? Right now it's just MFI why we need to do IVF. But who knows - maybe my own body has tricks of it's own that haven't been discovered yet. I don't know.

But, I guess, I'll just keep telling myself - I am pregnant until proven otherwise, right? RIGHT?

8dp3dt

Well, one day closer to the beta. We are so tempted to just pee on a stick to see if we are pregnant, but we are scared to do so. We're afraid if we see the 2nd line, that it will still just be the trigger since we didn't test it out. And we're afraid we'll see just the one line - and would that be a BFN, or just too early for the 2nd line? Aaaahhhh!!! haha

So as of now, we're trying to just hold out until the beta on Friday. 11:00. Seems so far away, doesn't it? Well, it does if you're the one waiting! Still the only "signs" I've been feeling are on-and off-again cramps. And am tired. But who knows what those really mean.

I suppose there's still hope, right?!

7dp3dt

Well - it's officially been a week since our ET and we are figuring our little embabies are about 4,096 cells now? Does that make sense? They were 16 celled on the day of the ET and should be doubling every day, right? Or do I have that wrong? haha So one week of the 2WW has come and gone and we are now just waiting patiently for our beta on Friday.

We were happy to be away last week (see below) because it kept us busy and helped to keep our mind off things - we even chatted with friends of ours who tried for almost two years before finally being pregnant - so it was nice to be able to tell someone in real life.

But, despite how busy we tried to keep ourselves, you can bet any amount of money you want that it still hasn't stopped us/me from reading into every little thing - both positive and negative. For example - every time I feel a cramp or something in the area of my uterus I think - ooh, maybe it's the babies! Although sometimes I'm like crap - pregnancy and period signs are so similar - maybe it's just my period coming - or maybe it's the meds causing it.

Or with my boobs - they still hurt, but not as much - so I think well, maybe this didn't work. But then I remind myself, not everyone has the same symptoms - and plus, there's still time for them to hurt again!

So I don't know - we just have our fingers crossed that everything is pointing in the direction of a BFP this Friday. If it doesn't work, we'll start again with cycle #2, but now we're trying to stay relatively positive. I talk to them a lot, rub my lower abdomen, and every night and morning we make sure to kiss my uterus area three times - one for each little embaby.

If anyone wants to see, I took a picture of the picture they gave us of our little embabies on the day of the ET - aren't they beautiful?!






I think they are beautiful, but I may be a little biased. Wish us luck!

I'm back!

We are officially back from Rochester and our week of crazy driving. It's nice to be back and not have to travel anywhere for a while, do I did enjoy being away and not having to be at work!

We got a late start on Tuesday because we had to wait for DH's car to be fixed and then to hear back from the vet. By the time we heard back from everyone it was about 6:00 pm, so we didn't get into Rochester until a little after 11:00. It always takes us longer when we tow the boat, but it was worth it to be able to take it out - the weather was gorgeous for it!

We pretty much spent the week handging out on the boat, spending time with his family or at picnics. Even went to go see Sex and the City with his sister, which was good - there was no way I was going to drag DH to that one and none of my friends were interested, so I was just assuming I'd have to wait until rental. But nope - and it was good!

Having all of the activities helped take our mind off our love 2WW, but it was still hard - I'll get into that more in my next post. But, in the meantime, here are some pics from the weekend because you know I love to share pictures!

First up, pictures of Riley - he had to go with us because he's still on meds. But the good news - he has successfully eating and not vomited for the last week - how awesome is that!

I liked this picture b/c it made him look like an evil kitty lol

And he of COURSE, made himself comfortable while there!

Here's a pic from out on the water:

While out, we stopped off and had lunch overlooking the water and while there, were "entertained" by a couple of birds having some, uh, fun:

DH's parents got a new chihuahua - a cute little one named Beja - not sure what it stands for since it came with that name (she's 5 years old) - she's still a little skiddish since she came from an abusive home, but she's getting better!

And last, but not least, Rochester has a ton of dear roaming around the neighborhoods and his parents get a lot of them through their backyard - so here's a beautiful gal for your viewing pleasure!

We got back last night, unpacked a few things, and now I guess we're here to stay for a little while. I hope everyone enjoyed their long holiday weekend!

Off on vacation!

Jamaica. The beach. Yummy drinks. That is where we are supposed to be and what we are supposed to be doing right now. Our one-year anniversary trip to Sandals Whitehouse. Wouldn't that be awesome?! And we could both absolutley use it after all the stress we've had in our lives the last few months. Aaaahhhh - maybe we'll just look at pictures of our honeymoon trip lol

But, as I mentioned in an earlier post, we're both ok with having to postpone/cancel our trip. While it would have been awesome to be there, staying back and doing this IVF for the potential to have a baby(ies) is all worth it.

So, instead, we are packing up the boat and the cat (still have to give him meds three times a day) and off to spend time in Rochester with his family and some friends. As long as we're away from home, making the 2WW pass by faster, and not at work, I'm all good!

They don't have internet service, so I most likely won't be back online with another update until Sunday/Monday. See you then!

ET - The Rest of the Story

So yesterday started out exciting and nerve-wracking, and turned into sheer excitement and a different form of nervousness!

It was a very early morning - the appointment was 2 hours away at 8:45, so we had to get up early so we could leave by 6:30. But, we also had to drop of DH's car to get fixed (which didn't end up happening) and get gas. So we got a little bit of a late start. Nothing too bad.

The ride there was different thant he ride for the ER. No matter how much I told myself it would turn out fine, I was still pretty nervous that we'd get there and the embies would no longer be dividing and the third would have never amounted to anything. The trip was a lot quieter - but then again, that may also have been due to it being a much earlier trip!

For the ET you are not allowed to empty your bladder about 30 mins prior to the procedure to provide a better view of the uterus for the doctor. Let's just say, that's not really the easiest. Especially since I had to take a Valium when I got there - more water!

We got there with about 2 minutes to spare. Unlike last time, we no longer sat down than they called our name - it was our turn! They had Tom once again get into his cute little yellow outfit and then me, mine. Once we were dressed they brought us into the room - different this time - no stirrups, no anesthesia, nothing like the last procedure. They pretty much just drew some blood to check my progesterone level and in came the doctor - with the news.

He showed me a picture of our embies - THREE beautiful, perfect, 16 celled embryos! Not only did the original two keep dividing, but the third one caught right up!

Once I found out we had embies to transfer, I was good to go. The doctor even wanted in on the pics we were taking lol

He came in, walked through what was going to happen and then turned out the lights. He is very into "new-agey", holistic and easter medicine. So he spent some time with us all holding hands over my uterus (I told you! haha) talking about just relaxing, imagining positive thoughts and allowing in the good energy for the earth. It was hard not to laugh, but at least I got to relax a little before the procedure started.

Doctor goes out to grab the embies and comes back with a big needle and a nurse. Confirms just one more time who I am to make sure they're ours and then I'm off and scooting down the table! The wonderful scapula is inserted, ultrasound machine is turned on and goop is spread on my belly. The next phase happened so fast you could have blinked and missed it!

He presses the u/s wand on my belly, insert the needle, I feel a whoosh of liquid and done! That's it! I could see the 3 little embabies on the screen - it was really cool! I kind of wished he had left it on longer for us to see and take a picture of, but at least I got to see it!

That was it. Literally. There was no pain AT ALL and it was over in a flash. Such an amazing science that just seems so simple on the outside. They had us lay there in the dark for about 15-20 minutes and then we were ready to go!

There is a Healing Arts building next door so they were telling us about the acupuncture they offer for after IVF Transfers. I wasn't really all that interested despite hearing a lot of girls on the Nest talk about it, but DH urged me to give it a try. His theory was - anything we can do to help make this work, do it!

So I went in, they brought me right into the room and stuck me with the needles - you could barely feel it. By the time he took them out my two pinkies and left lower leg/foot were numb, which was weird, but the feeling eventually went away.

After that, we just drove home and took a nap (so tired!). Took the kitty in for yet another vet appointment where the vet is still stumped. They drew blook and off we went. He's actually held down food for the last couple todays and today is looking good so far as well. Hopefully it stays that way!

Pretty much just spent the rest of the night playing it low-key and met a friend for ice cream to talk about the procedure. She is so excited and supportive about it all - it's so cool, I love it!

OK, guess that's it for the ET. We are so excited that there are three potential embabies growing in my uterus right now. It's so amazing and DH is taking such great care of me - making sure I take it easy and don't lift anything too heavy. He even kissed my belly three times last night to say goodnight to each one!