Happy Birthday, DH!

On a lighter, happier note, today is my DH's birthday!

Every year for his birthday, he gets to pick what he wants to do for dinner, dessert, etc... Basically, the whole day (and weekend since I make it a whole birthday weekend) is whatever he wants to do!

So we went out to a yummy steak house for dinner, he opened presents, watched a movie, and had ice cream cake - you can't beat that!

I even snuck home during my lunch break and decorated the house for him so he'd see it when he got home. He never used to care about birthdays, but I love them, so I try to make them as special for him every year. Hide presents in his car for the morning, when he wakes up, etc...

It made me so happy to see his face and hear him tell me that this was his best birthday yet and that he felt so special. Yay! I love him so much that I would do anything for that man!

Happy Birthday, DH!

Step Away from the Sticks

I tested again this morning. And the line was lighter than it was yesterday. Now - I know that technically the darkness of the line doesn't matter. But come on - it's enough to freak anyone out. Combine that with me overanalyzing the crampy feeling I have and the sharp pains I was getting tonight and it just freaks me out. It's all I can think about. That this isn't going to work - that 35 was the highest my beta was going to get. That we cycled for almost 3 months for this round and after 2 failed previous cycles, this one isn't going to work, either. Even though this is the furthest we've ever gotten, I want it to be further.

I have moments where I get pretty excited about it. But then I remember - it is still soooo early. Most of the day I sit here thinking about all of this - literally scared that this is going to be taken away from us. I don't know if this is fair to say, but knowing what we had to go through to just get this far I think makes it worse/scarier. It's not like we can just go have sex next month and try again. Doesn't happen that way.

It's thousands of dollars in meds, months of being poked with needles and the lovely wand. Just to possibly, maybe, have a chance that it'll happen again. Hopefully.

And yes - I know that I need to keep positive. That the number more than doubled in 48 hours. And there have been many cases of low betas becoming beautiful babies. But come on - the number was still only 35. Most girls start over 100 - many higher. I seriously have to keep myself in check and know that this may not work.

Because if I only tell myself that this is going to work - it will be 10 times more crushing come Monday if she tells me I'm no longer doubling. And having that lighter line on the HPT is not helping any.

So - thankfully I'm all out of HPT's. I will not let myself buy any more until Sunday. I will not let myself go into the 3rd beta on Monday without testing. I need to know - especially so I'll be prepared since I'll be at work again when I get the news.

OK - I know this was all extremely negative. But this is my blog and I need to get my feelings out. I honestly do have my moments of positivity, too. But the questions/doubts are what rule and needed to be written out.

Thank you so much for reading. I will do better with my next posts to be a little happier/more positive! ;-)

4 weeks

Here's a picture of what the embryo looks like at 4 weeks. It's amazing how quickly it starts to develop!




At this point of development the structures that eventually form the face and neck are becoming evident. The heart and blood vessels continue to develop. And the lungs, stomach, and liver start to develop. A home pregnancy test is now positive.

Beta #2!

Happy Wednesday everyone! I just got the call -- and it's great news!

My hCG went from 16.2 to 35 - that's more than doubled in just 48 hours!

And my Progesterone went from 15 to 41 - so that looks like the meds are doing their trick!

I guess that explains the continued achy/crampy-ish uterus, feeling like I want to cry (although that could easily be the stress!) and why I'm so darn thirsty. ;-) And the 2nd HPT this morning with 2 lines. Such a beautiful sight! ;-)

My 3rd Beta will be Monday morning - I can't wait. My DH's birthday is tomorrow and it's all such an awesome birthday present for him. Yay! I wish I would have told him the appointment was tomorrow instead of today so I could have made it an even better surprise, but hey - I'll take this news today with NOOOOO complaints!

I called my mom yesterday asking her to call me back. She sounded so disappointed when all it was was to give her directions for my dad for Saturday - oops! She knows we're doing IVF#3 right now, but we're definitely not ready to tell anyone else yet.

so - it looks like we may just have a little procrastinator in there - just like it's mommy and daddy!

Thank you so much, to everyone - your support and positive thoughts mean so much to both of us!

Congratulations, Larissa!

I also wanted to make a special post to say a very huge CONGRATULATIONS to Larissa! She has been getting postive HPT's for the last couple days and has her first official beta day! I'd post her blog to see the beautiful pics of the pee sticks, but I know she keeps it pretty private and doesn't have it in her siggy either.

Her first IVF ended in pretty bad OHSS, but this one she made it through the ET and passed - with flying colors (and lines!)

CONGRATULATIONS SHAWN AND LARISSA!

2 Lines!

It was very light, but I definitely saw it this morning - that elusive seond line! I've never seen one before!

It showed up after just a couple seconds. It was hard to see, but it was definitely there. I took pictures and you can sort of see it on the pictures - a little better when you try that inverted colors trick.

I'd post it on here, but the pictures on here are so tiny I doubt you'd be able to see it.

But, that line is helping keep me hopeful. I mean - if I read the box right, the test picks up min of 25 so that means my beta must have gained at least 9 points right? To get from 16.2 to at leat 25 in order for it to show? That's at least over half of what it needs to gain in order to double for tomorrow meaning I'm on track, right? Does my line of thinking make sense? LOL

So now - another night of holding my pee until I can test again! ;-)

IVF #3 - Beta

Some of you already know the results since I posted it on the boards. But, for the others, here goes.

So - as you probably guessed, I broke down and tested this weekend - Saturday, Sunday, and again this morning. And BFN's for all 3. As I mentioned before, I just had to know so I could prepare myself for when I get the news at work.

I went in this morning for the official blood draw and she asked me if I had a feeling and I told her - yup - it's going to be negative - and explained why and she said I cheated! LOL

I didn't really want to go in there and pay the lovely copay just to find out what I already knew. But I did anyway, just like other 2 times. And apparently my veins didn't want to either because my normal regular vein would not let her needle in - and let me tell you - she tried! And it's a HUGE vein! lol She then poked my other arm, told me not to count everything out and off I went.

So now - on to the news you waded through the above babble to get to. She called me just before my 1:00 meeting and told me the news - 16.2.

So, technically I am pregnant! I know it's not a huge number and everyone has graciously reminded me it's not the number that counts, it's that it doubles withing the 48-72 hours. And that there have been lots of low beta success stories. So back I go on Wednesday for Beta #2! =

One girl on my local also made a point I'd like to stick in my arsenal of positive thoughts (thank you, Melissa!). That since I have been getting only BFN's on my HPT's, my number has most likely at least been going up, and not down. It's not like I got 2 lines Sunday and today just one, right?!

And really, if you knew both of us, we have been known to procrastinate. So really, it would make sense that our little one would be a procrastinator as well and just be a late implanter, right? LOL ;-)

The nurse mentioned my progesterone was only at a 15. So kind of on the low side for a medicated cycle and depending on the outcome Wednesday will determine what they'll have me do. As of now, I am going to continue on my PIO and Lovenox and hope my number doubles for Wednesday!

As a side note, it would be even more awesome if it did double since DH's birthday is Thursday - it'd be a great birthday present, right?!

Thank you so much to everyone who has been so supportive and positive. It means so much!