Back from visiting my parents!

On a lighter note than my post below, outside of that comment, we had a great weekend! It was supposed to rain all weekend so my sister and I brought some spa-type stuff to treat my mom. But we didn't end up needing it! We let her decide what she wanted to do this weekend and here's what we did:

1) We went for walks around the house. The foliage is not quite at peak, but it was still so beautful - more so than these pictures can do justice to. My parents live in the middle of nowhere in the Adirondacks, so there are lots to look at!












2) We had cake (and ice cream of course!) made by my lovely sister - it was so good!




3) The boys went fishing - I'd post pictures of the 93 perch they caught, but I'd rather look at my husband re-stringing his line ;-)




4) We also went dress shopping with my sister - and she is still in love with this dress:

http://www.morilee.com/DressDetail.aspx?C=1&D=2102&P=1

It looks absolutely gorgeous on her!

5) And lastly, we went out to dinner - I had the best steak ever - so delicious!

And, of course, my adorable little nephew and he has gotten so big! He's just over 7 weeks now and such a little cutie. I'll try and post some updated pictures of him later this week - but I'll be sure to put it in it's own post so you so that you can decide if you want to look or not.

I always love going home - it's so nice and relaxing to visit. Soon, we'll have some visitors of our own! My mom said she'll probably going to come down for a visit sometime over the next month and so will my sister and her fiance. And soon - my other sister will be home for a visit from Australia. I can't wait!

I hope you all had as great a weekend as I did!

How much do you weigh now?

Yup - that's what my great aunt asked me this weekend. I had a great weekend with my mom and family and then we went up to visit my grandmother before we left to go home and my great aunt was there. Dad always drops her off after morning church, before she goes back for evening church. She is the type of woman who is quite intelligent and witty for her age (85), but just has no sense of appropriateness or couth sometimes.

Now yes - I will admit to putting on some weight since the wedding (thanks to both my lack of exercising and eating crappy, and some to my IVF meds). But not much as my outfit on Sunday made me look. I was wearing bigger, baggy clothes that were sooo not flattering - but were comfortable for the ride home. We had a good visit, and then as I was leaving, she comes right out, in front of EVERYONE, and asks me that question.

Let's just say I was STUNNED. I was at a loss of words. If I had been quicker to think I would have told her off (this is not the first time she makes rude comments to me or someone else). But instead, I just stood there, like a deer in headlights, stumbling over my words. This is the same woman who sat in a corner at my wedding reading the bible and pulled me aside - more than once - and scolded me during our reception for having alcohol and dancing - saying I was going to hell. Gotta love it, right?

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Going home this weekend for my mom's birthday. It's actually Monday but DH and I are doing to go up this weekend to celebrate. Some cake, some ice cream, a little spa time for mom - whatever she wants!

Hope you all have a great weekend and I'll "see" you on Monday!

Love Animals?

Or maybe even just like them? ;-) Check out the new icons located on the top right of my blog!

All you have to do is click on the icons each day, answer fun trivia questions about cats and dogs, and they will provide 10 pieces of kibble to Animal Shelters to help feed hungry cats and dogs! And yes - even if you get the answer wrong, they will still donate the kibble!

I've been doing this for a long time now (thank you Sandi!) - and it's even being featured on the Ellen DeGenerous show today!

So please, play every day - the more we play, the more hungry animals that get fed!

Hi!

Not too much to report on today. Nothing really exciting going on. We're going home to my parents' house this weekend for my mom's birthday, so that should be nice. I just hope the weather is nice - as of now, it's supposed to rain :-(

On a TTC front, we are unmedicated, au natural this cycle since we can't afford another IVF round yet. So right now I am on CD15. In the past, I have typically ovulated on CD17, but who knows what will happen this cycle after coming off the meds. I'm not really seeing the signs of O coming soon, but who knows. I'll be tracking and charting - guess we can always wish for that ever elusive break cycle BFP, right? lol

Oh well - hope all is well with you and you're having a great day!

Apple Picking!

So, as promised, DH and I went apple picking on Saturday. The weather was absolutely gorgeous - such blue skies! It was a great weekend to go as there were 4 good options to pick:

McIntosh
Cortland
Empire
Jonagold

We like all 4, so it was hard to decide! We ended up picking mostly Jonagold with a few Cortland and Empire thrown on top. The McIntosh ones were on the other side of the orchard, so we skipped those.

And, if anyone wants to read up on some of the apples, this website is really helpful: http://www.nyapplecountry.com/ There's a whole bunch of info out there, plus some fun things, as well.

Here are a few pictures...




Yum! (yes, we're dorks lol)



And the views from the orchard are awesome. We usually hike the mountains before we pick, but we got a late start didn't hike. But we'll be back a few more times to hike before the snow comes.



I love that it's so close to our house which is in a city. It's a great thing about where we live - drive just a few minutes and you'll be out of the city and into beautiful country!

And don't even think for a second that we didn't stop and wait in line to get our cider doughnuts. We allow ourselves to get them once a year - and they are worth every single calorie!






So - now I just need to get eating and baking - there are a lot of apples to be used!

Weekend Plans

So this weekend is supposed to be pretty nice out, so we are going to take advantage and go apple picking! It's one of my absolute favorite things to do in the Fall (so many fun things to do - and EAT - in the fall!) My husband did NOT want to go the first year we went, but we have gone every year since - and many times at his suggestion! I can't wait - there will be many an apple to eat, bake with, etc... Yum!

Other than that, I think we are just going to hang out and get things done around the house. I have no doubt that DH will also go fishing or something to get ready for bow-hunting season. Basically, I will do anything as long as it means I'm enjoying my weekend and not having to think about work! ha

Anyone else doing anything fun this weekend?

My Nieces' Visit!

I've been a bad aunt! Our nieces (ages 6 and 8) visited back in mid-August and I still haven't posted pics yet. The girls, DH and I had a great time and my SIL had a great time just relaxing and doing whatever she wants! So, here are some of the MANY pics I took that weekend:


We baked some cupcakes - and then I bought a whole bunch of candy to go with my decorating stuff and they could decorate any way they wanted. I forgot to take pictures of the decorated cupcakes (think gummy worms, sprinkles and M&M's!), but here are a couple of them making them:

Yum! And pretty much every picture she made her eyes go cross-eyed - oh well!









And we made our own pizzas one night for dinner (also messy, but so tasty!):








Don't they look delicious!







While his sister and I went shopping and out to lunch, DH took them fishing:










And we went to the park a few times:




FYI, having them hang upside down was the best way to get the sand out of their clothes - after taking turns getting burried:








And then Sunday afternoon we put them back on the train. They had never been on a train before and they absolutely loved the ride and couldn't stop talking about it!

Some fun in the car on the way to the station:




They wanted to get "dressed up" for the train - so cute!

Bye! Come again soon!

So we can't wait to have them come for a visit again. We see them each time we go out to his parents to visit, but it was even more fun to have them come visit us!

Oops!

I always go into this thinking I don't have much to say. And then what do I do? I end up writing a novel - just like below. Oops!

Nothing much going on...

Right now we are kind of just at a stand still in the IVF world. Still need to hear back from the RE if any of the new stuff is covered. Can't afford another round right now, so hopefully some of it will be - although I don't have much hope based on past experience.

And I have been SO fortunate to be able to buy a couple meds off some fellow nesties (thank you so much!) which will be a HUGE help - and my SIL works at an OBGYN office, so she said to fax her the list of the meds so she can see if they have any they'd be willing to donate to us. That was nice of her to offer - anything helps, so fingers crossed! I'm not counting on anything coming from it - if it does - that's fantastic! But if not, we're not any further behind than we started, right?

Oh yeah! Fun news! One of my fellow nesties sent me a fertility bracelet this week, and I wear it every day. It says "Believe" and I think it's a perfect word. Thank you Jacki! And congratulations again - MOMMY!

Outside of IVF, I've been spending a lot of time at work this week - kinda sucks, but needs to be done, I guess. And I've had what seems like a constant, pounding, splitting headache since last Wednesday - it hurts so bad and nothing seems to make it want to stop. I really think it's stress releated so I need a day to just not really think about anything and just reax.

This weekend we are going to go apple picking and we can't wait! We go every year and this weekend they should have a good variety of apples to choose from to pick based on their website. Especially the Jonagolds - yum! And those suckers are HUGE and good to both eat and bake with. I can't wait! I want to go back again in a couple weeks and pick Red Delicisous ones, too. The weather's supposed to be really nice Fall weather this weekend, so it should hopefully do the trick to take my mind off things and have some fun with DH!

This past weekend I met my mom in Lake George and we spent the day at The Great Escape (part of Six Flags). I had some free tickets - so I asked my mom if she wanted to go and she said yes! We just spent the day together hanging out. We weren't in the mood for some of the bigger rides like the roller coasters (I still had my headache) so we just spent the day on the Merry Go Round, Scrambler, Swings, Water Rides, Cannonball Express, etc... We were there from when the park opened to when it closed. I love amusement parks at night - with all the lights. We ended the day having dinner together and then we each drove our separate ways home. It was an AWESOME day - just some alone time - me and my mom. I love those days (and so does mom!)!

Since I don't have too much going on in the IVF world right now, I may take this week to catch up on some old topics. I don't think I ever posted pics from the weekend our nieces came to visit, so maybe I'll do that. And maybe some pics of my little nephew. He's so cute!

OK, guess that's it. DH is home from Open House at the school tonight, so time to go hang out. Hope everything is doing well, and I'll talk to you soon!

WTF Appt and New Protocol

So - I've been MIA for a while - between needing a break after the BFN, to being at training and not feeling well, I just haven't been on to post. And, if I know myself well enough, I'm probably about to type enough in this one post to make up for anything I haven't been typing - so, I apologize in advance!

So - our WTF appointment was last Thursday. Turns out, the doctor from the Syracuse location who actually did my Retrieval and Transfer (and who founded both locations) was at my local office, so I ended up meeting with him for the appointment. My biggest questions were "Why haven't either worked?!" and "Why wasn't the protocol changed after IVF#1 and only getting 4 mature eggs?". And his answer to both? I honestly don't know, but they should have. Great. Awesome. That makes me feel good, doesn't it? Especially that the protocol should have been changed.

I mentioned that during my 2nd cycle a few times, but it was never changed. And now I feel like it was just a waste of a cycle - that if they had in fact changed it, maybe we would have had a better chance.

But, enough of that. The past is the past. So we talked about what we are going to do for the 3rd round (once we can afford it). So it looks like we're going to do a combined Estrogen Priming/Antagonist protocol. I still have a few questions, but here is how I understand it to go:


- CD21: Lupron
- Get Period
- CD3: Baseline bloodwork, Stop Lupron, Start Estradiol Valerate (estrogen) injections 2x/week for 10 days
- CD3 (again??): bloodwork, start Stims - 150 iu of Follistim + 75 iu of Menopur, no Lupron, Ganirelex when it gets closer to ER to prevent ovulation
- Egg Retrieval
- Embryo Transfer: start Lovenox injections (I have questions on this), HCG injections, Baby Aspirin, Estrace, Prometrium supps and Progesterone in Oil (PIO - yikes - this one's an IM injection!).
- And with all of this, the Dr. is a huge fan of Eastern medicine - acupuncture, yoga, positive attitude, etc... HUGE fan! lol

He also suggested I have an Endometrial Biopsy and Hysteroscopy. And possibly a Lap. Not sure why on the Lap, but that's just one of my questions I still want to follow-up on.

He also mentioned doing IVIG - basically where they go in and irritate your uterus a little prior to the ET. I guess while it's healing from the irritation, it helps with implantation. I had heard of this - have any of you tried this?

So let's just say it's a big change from my previous, regular, long Lupron Cycles - Lupron + Follistim + Trigger. Hope it works!

Here are some of the questions I still have:

1) Why the Lovenox if I'm also on Baby Aspirin and haven't had any clotting issues that I'm aware of. Isn't it a blood thinner?
2) Why the lap? I don't have any signs of Endo and I don't need my tubes - wonder what they'll be looking for.
3) Clarify up my timing better
4) The PIO shots - I hear that having them mixed with Ethyl Oleate is much easier than Sesame or another oil. I hope that's what they had in mind!
5) IVIG - want more info - should I do it? It's expensive! But, not as expensive, perhaps, as asking - should I have done it? If this next cycle doesn't work? I mean - the $700 to try IVIG is cheaper than another few grand on a potential 4th cycle, right? I don't know!
6) How in the work can I afford this!

That last question is our biggest concern. Between issues with DH's car, Riley's accident, and the past 2 IVF cycles, we have pretty much depleted any amout of savings we have. It's so scary! We'll have to save up again just to have enough to do another cycle, let alone having any sort of buffer in our savings should there be an accident. My mom has offered the money from their tax return a few times - which is so incredibly nice of her - but I just can't get myself to do it. They need the money themselves, I just couldn't do it.

I mentioned the cost issue a few times. And, to my surprise, we were in for a surprise! The doctor excused himself and then came back - and guess what he said?! He is willing to only charge $1000 for our next IVF cycle. How awesome is that! Technically it's only $600 since $400 has to go to the anesthesiologist - but that's definitely a help! Granted - it doesn't cover the ultrasounds or the meds, but they said the insurance should cover the ultrasounds (they are confirming) and meds - well, we're working on those.

They are checking with our insurance companies to see if any of the new ones are covered. And if not, they said to keep checking with them on any they may possibly have to donate. And, to my huge surprise, we were lucky enough to have a fellow Nestie offer up her extra Ganirelex - can you believe it? 4 vials and I just have to pay for shipping. She had to pay out of pocket for her cycles as well and wanted to donate what she could - we couldn't be happier - thank you Vandelay!

So - now we are just waiting to hear back from the RE on what they found out re: what will and won't be covered on the new protocol. And based on that, will determine what our new timing will be and how much time we'll need to save.

But - we are on our way - so, for now, we're just praying for one of those rare miracle break cycle BFP's - can't hurt to dream, right?! ;-)

I've Been Tagged

I have been tagged by Nikki. The Rules: 1. Link to the person who tagged you 2. Post the rules to your blog 3. Write 6 random things about yourself 4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them 5. Let each peron you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog. 6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.

6 random things about me:

1. I can't drink caffeine without it affecting me - heart races, messes with my head, etc... - even just a little - but I still do once in a while. Same thing happens to my dad.

2. I can't wear digital watches - doesn't take too long before something in my body causes them to die/blank out. Not sure what it is, but it does. I thought at first it was a coincidence, but it has happened with every one I've tried. This ALSO happens to my dad (maybe there's a some connection there!).

3. I eat my pizza backwards - crust first. Gotta save the best for last!

4. I recently re-discovered my love for Little House on the Prairie and The Waltons when I found out I get the Hallmark channel! (yup, I'm a dork!)

5. I love to read and keep all the books I read a trophies. (me, too, Nikki!)

6. I just realized today I still have a decoraitn up from winter that I never put away - oops! (and how have I JUST noticed this?! haha)

Now I have to tag 6 people:
Amy C
Sandi
Shawna
Melissa
Christy
LateBloomer65 (I don't have your name, sorry!)

Anyone else?

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

IVF#2 = BFN

Not pregnant. AGAIN.

Needless to say you can bet there will be a WTF appointment scheduled - and there's plenty of time for me to come up with the questions to ask since we won't be able to do another cycle for a while - we have no money left to do it. This sucks. HARD.

Road Trip!

I'm off to visit my sister, her Fiance, and my new little nephew! DH has a fishing tournament this weekend so he's not going. We'll be playing with the little guy, going for walks, going with her to try on wedding dresses (she's going to look beautiful!), catching up, etc... - should be a lot of fun!

I took Friday off from work and am heading up! It's about a 3.5 hour road trip, so definitely not looking forward to that, but it'll be fun once I get there. Hopefully hurricane Hanna stays away!

I'm getting closer and closer to the big beta day on Monday - my mind it trying to trick me into testing. I have 4 Dollar Tree tests and a FRER calling my name. I've been feeling little sharp twinges and some cramping in the uterus and have been tired and hungry - but who knows if any of those are real or not!

I didn't test out the trigger, so not sure if I'll end up doing it or not. I'm trying to decide if knowing ahead of time that if it's a BFN or not will be easier to take than getting that phone call at work. I don't know - guess we'll just have to see!

And, from my last post, here is what will is happening to my (hopeful) embie(s) in there over the next few days while I'm gone! Grow little guy!

Friday - 8dpt: Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
Saturday - 9dpt: More HCG is produced as fetus develops
Sunday - 10dpt: More HCG is produced as fetus develops
Monday - 11dpt: HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT (Beta day!)

Not sure if I'll be able to get on over the weekend, so if I don't, I hope everyone has a great weekend!

6dp 3dt

So today I am officially 6 dp 3dt - and I have been totally over-analyzing every little symptom. Bloatedness - maybe? Kinda gassy lately - is it that? Or maybe it's just the food I'm eating?I have had some cramps lately - or maybe not? I've also been pretty tired - but then again, I have also been going to bed kinda late! So yup, it's one of the perks lovely part of the 2ww! I just need to wait until Monday until we know officially. ;-)

But, I saw this the other day and thought it was pretty interesting - it lists what happens after a 3dt :

1dpt: Embryo is growing and developing
2dpt: Embryo is now a blastocyst
3dpt: Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
4dpt: Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
5dpt: Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
6dpt: Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
7dpt: Morula is completely inmplanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells
8dpt: Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
9dpt: More HCG is produced as fetus develops
10dpt: More HCG is produced as fetus develops
11dpt: HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT (Beta day!)

My DH also called me today to meet him for lunch - yay! He had two staff days the last couple of days, but gets students tomorrow, so wanted to do lunch one more time. How sweet!

OK everyone, guess that's it - have a great day!

I'm Sorry!

I'm so sorry for the last few posts being downers. So today, I'm chaning that. Despite the kitty situation, we really did have a wonderful last 11 days. DH is a teacher so had the time off already and I had last week and the previous Friday off for vacation. We spent a lot of time out on the boat (DH fishing and me relaxing and reading in the sun), the 2 trips to Syracuse for the Retrieval and Transfer, my Nestie GTG (DH fished), a BBQ, rented movies, spent time in the backyard just hanging out, and a fun-filled trip to Lake George for a few hours.

For those who don't know, Lake George is a village (and lake, of course!) about 45 minutes north that is quite the tourist area due to it's beauty (lake, mountains, etc...) but we decided to go up anyway for the day to get away and take our mind off things. We sometimes forget to take advantage of some of the local fun things to do - everyone else does, why not us!

So we drove up, had lunch on the water, walked around, got ice cream, browsed some shops, went to the beach, just relaxed and looked at the views, went mini-golfing, etc... It was just so nice and relaxing. A great way to close out the weekend, you know?

So I hope everyone else had a good summer and Labor Day weekend. Did you do anything fun?!

Why can't I cry?

It's weird. I can tear up at a sad movie, sad story, or a sad song. No problem. But everytime I think about how much I miss Riley, and I start to tear up, I make myself stop. Even the day it happened. I start tearing up - some slip down my cheeks, I feel that sobbing feeling coming - stuttered breathing, etc... And yet - I tell myself - stop - stop crying. I make myself "breath through it" and make myself stop. Same thing with our BFN for IVF#1. And I don't know why - it confuses me. It happens both when I'm in front of someone and when I'm by myself, so it's not that I just don't want people to see my crying like I was originally thinking.

Even now, I want to - but I won't let myself. And I know I need to because it's just going to build up - and heaven forbid this IVF is a BFN - watch out - not sure I could handle the combination of the two.

Thank goodness we kept ourselves busy this weekend - BBQ, day trip, etc... maybe I'll write a post about that stuff later. But anyone have any thoughts on why I have no problems crying at a stupid movie or song, but something serious - where I really just want to let go and cry, I won't let myself? Maybe it's not wanting to accept the reality of it? Or a way to make myself get over it sooner than I need to, I don't know...