Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
OK - I'm off to bed - I'll be dreaming of my 2.5 embabies growing in their little dish in Syracuse. Can't wait to see you tomorrow and take you home. Sweet dreams!
In all honesty, this really hasn't been as tough as I thought. Sure, it's kind of uncomfortable when I'm "full" of eggs, and sometimes I feel like I could just cry/scream, but really, it's all been pretty manageable. I could definitely do it again. It would be a whole lot easier if my insurance covered it all instead of paying out-of-pocket, but we'd definitely do it again.
But for now, I'm not thinking about next cycle. I'm thinking about this one. That we're still in the game. I called the RE's office this morning and the answering service had someone called me back. We discussed my concerns about only having two and that they might die between yesterday and Monday. And that we have to drive two hours just to get there. That if there was any way to find out how they're doing or to call us before we leave to save the drive if, in case, none of our little embies were still living.
She assured me (sort of!) that they should still be ok for Monday and to still come out. They don't check them again until about 8:00 Monday morning. She said that they gave us an early appointment for that reason and said that there was one girl who had an 11:15 appointment that is also driving and they told her to call first because hers didn't look that good. They didn't tell us that, so to just come on out.
I'm not sure how much I believe that if they were good yesterday, they'll still be good by Monday, but I guess I just have to put my faith in the RE's hands. And if we end up making a two hour trip for no reason, then we'll just have to deal with that when the time comes.
So, like I said, I'm trying to be positive right now. It's a lot easier than yesterday after hearing the news. That was NOT a good time. But, DH and I talked about it, we spent the afternoon out on the boat and went to see some 4th of July fireworks last night in a town where he used to live. And yup, I know it's a week early - they always do them early since we live in the capital of NYS and they always have a huge display on 4th, so they do it early so as to not compete. So much easier to go see these - not nearly as many people!
Although - there were definitely some characters there last night. I think I have seen my share of mullets, liquor/NASCAR/Harley t-shirts, women without bras that should NOT be without a bra, and feathered/hairsprayed hair to last me the rest of the year. It definitely made for some good people watching before the fireworks started! That, and I got my fried dough - yum!
Today we have some errands to do - I've finally updated my ER entry (below), I have to get new tires on my car, clean the house, make some bread, make some cookies, and pack for tomorrow.
I also made a vet appointment for Riley for tomorrow after we get back since he is STILL vomiting and has now scratched himself raw above his scapula. We were going to leave for Rochester right after the RE appointment since it's only 1-1.5 hours further, but we couldn't bring the cat with us and leave him in the car. And we wanted to get him into the vet once again. So we'll probably head out Tuesday morning to Rochester instead.
I hope whomever is reading this has a great day - and thanks for reading!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
I know, I shouldn't be so pessimistic. "It only takes one." "There have been some girls who only had one and it worked." I know all of this, but right now I just want to bitch, scream, cry, everything. It's like we went through all of this and spent all this money for nothing. (Yes, yes, I know it's still early and they could last).
Almost makes me wonder if they didn't stim me longer because they didn't want to have to do it on a weekend. I know, that's probably not it, but blaming it on them is making me feel just the tiniest bit better right now. So now we hope and pray that those 2 (.5?) don't crap out and last until Monday morning where we have to drive 2.5 hours to put them back. I guess that resolves the issue of how many we put back, eh?
OK, thanks for listening to my vent. Sorry about that so early in the morning. I have the draft of my ER written, just haven't finalized/posted it yet. Will get to that sometime today. I hope you all have a great day!
As far as the recovery goes, I wasn't honestly in a lot of pain. I was a bit drowsy and had some period-like cramps and could take Tylenol if I wanted (nothing else, though - I guess the others thin out your lining?), but they honestly weren't bad enough to take anything.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
And oh yeah - I can definitely still feel those ovaries in there - keep on chugging!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
OK, I'm off to bed, I'm exhausted. Night!
But, here are the updated measurements:
So not too many in the 18-22 range yet, but hopefully a few more will sneak in that range by Friday when they take them all out. So here's my protocol for the next few days:
Tonight: no stims, no Lupron, no aspirin (which I've been taking to thin blood to prevent clotting, etc...). Trigger the follicle release with Ovidrel injection at 11:45 pm. They retrieve the eggs 36 horus after the trigger, so that's why so late at night. Just hope I can stay up that late - I've been pretty tired lately.
Tomorrow: shot free day! Just no food/liquids after midnight
Friday: drive to Syracuse for the ER. Still no food. Also, no jewelry, watches, nail polish, contacts, anything that smells, wear comfy clothes
- DH gives his fresh sample and they inject into the good eggs. Speaking of which, I'm happy I confirmed with them today that his frozen samples would be sent to Syracuse. They hadn't yet! So they will be personally driven to Syracuse with the doctor today. Phew!
Sunday - Wednesday: sometime in here, assuming we still having living embro's, they will transfer some back in!
OMG I am so frickin' excited. Nervous and excited. I am excited to get this show on the road and to get me pregnant (hopefully!). But I'm also nervous something may go wrong. That None of the eggs will be good. That in all of the samples that DH has given (Friday's fresh or past frozen) that none of the sperm acan be used. That none of them fertilize. That none of them make it to transfer. Or that if they do, none stick or I miscarry.
Ugh. I just need to keep being positive. I know I have to keep some of the reality thoughts in there that something may go wrong so it's not a huge crash if it does, but for my own sanity right now, I need to keep thinking positive thoughts, so wish us luck! POSITIVE THOUGHTS!
And if they don't, in the amazing words of my husband last night when we were talking about this: If this cycle, or none of our future cycles work, we will always have each other. And that's something I will always cherish.
I love my husband so much!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Granted, there are 2 people who know. One of my friends/co-workers because I broke down one day after having to take yet more time off of work. And another is one of my best friends - she accidentally saw something we left out (oops) and I know she saw it, so I talked to her about it. Both have been fantastic and really supportive - and someone to talk to about it other than poor DH having to hear about it. They are both genuinely interesting and that's great - especially since I love talking about it! haha I just wish I could get myself to tell someone in my family - or even DH's.
Granted - what I wrote above doesn't mean that DH doesn't want to talk about it. I actually asked him again the other night during one of our late-night walks if I was talking about it too much and he said absolutely not. He is very excited about all of this - as much as I am!
As a matter of fact, he made a comment that just made me love him even more. He is the type of person that doesn't really let himself get too excited about things until the day of, day before, or basically only once it gets closer. He was like - I got really excited about proposing the morning of. For the wedding, I got really excited the day before. But for this, at the prospect of us getting pregnant, that he has been excited for so long, and it just keeps building and he can't wait for the ER and ET! (and no, that doesn't mean he wasn't excited about proposing or getting married - he really was! it's just how he works ;-) )
When we went home for Father's Day I had to put my Lupron in the fridge. I hid it pretty well, but I have to admit. I was secretly hoping someone would find it and ask what it was for. Although DH and I did work out a story that it was a med for our cat who we had to bring with us since he was, truly, on meds at the time for the accident. Just not Lupron ;-)
But no one found it. And no one accidentally walked in while we were doing my shots or accidentally saw my needles, etc... I really didn't expect them to. But part of me was secretly hoping they would so it would be a good opener. Does that make sense?
I don't think any of them would be unsupportive. Well - maybe my dad who is super-religious, but I've got ammo to fight that battle should it arrive! haha On the contrary, I think they would all be curious and very supportive. But I think that may be part of what's holding me back. I like talking about it, but not sure i want to go through it a thousand times with them in case they didn't get it (although they probably would). And I'm not sure I'd want to deal with the questions all the time. Although maybe I might like it?! And finally, I want my BFP announcement to be a surprise. And if I told them about the ER, the ET, and the 2WW, then it really wouldn't be a surprise - as much as a - guess what - I'm 3 mos pregnant! That may just sound crazy to you, I don't know. But I can't just get myself to do it. DH even said I could tell them, but I just haven't.
His family would be supportive as well, although they would have a LOT more questions - at leat his parents would. Both DH and his parents were adopted since his parents couldn't have children. But they are definitely older and not sure if they would understand everything. His dad is the kind of guy who likes to ask lots of questions, so maybe by the end he would! haha But, DH doens't want to tell them - or anyone else really - so I respect that. He does know, though, about my two friends knowing.
He went home to his parents for the wedding a couple weekends ago and the night before the wedding he and a friend of his got pretty drunk and they started talking about babies. The subject sort of came up (friend think we are looking into doing IUI like another common friend of ours). DH didn't want to get into it too much and based on how they sounded that night, I don't think the friend would remember the conversation anyway! LOL
We have talked about possibly discussing it with the above friends who went through IUI, but haven't really had the opportunity. We're going out there again this week for vacation, so if we see them, maybe we will. Or maybe we won't!
OK, I think I have typed enough. I've written, yet again, another novel. I just type as things fall out of my head. I hope you have a great day and thanks for reading!
Let's hope this works because I'm not sure what else is left!
Monday, June 23, 2008
Vet wants us to bring him in tomorrow for a barium/xray. Because of that, he can't eat anything after 6:00 pm and can't drink anything after midnight. And wouldn't you know it, he seems to be whoring himself out and doing anything he can to get food tonight. What a day for his appetitie to come back! haha I guess the new round of Prednazone is doing it's job.
Hopefully they find out tomorrow what's going on. Of all the things to come out of getting hit by a car, this wouldn't have been on the top of my list - it's so sad. Don't get me wrong - he could certainly stand to lose some weight, but this isn't how I want him to do it - poor baby!
But nope, saw one today. He did the actual measuring. He only measured the top 5 on each side - the others were small, so I'm guessing he didn't bother measuring those. He said my lining is looking great, too! Here are the measurements as of this morning (mm):
Left: 16.2, 16.1, 14.8, 12.2, 11.3
Right: 17.7, 15.4, 13.6, 12.2, 12.1
Not bad - they're getting there! They kept me on the same Follistim and Lupron protocol and I go back on Wednesday morning for my next check. Honestly? I can't wait!
I look forward to each each time to see how things are progessing. They asked me today how things were going and how I was feeling. I told them I actually like doing the shots - makes me feel empowered - like I'm actually doing something about it, you know? Does that make sense? Although I do have to admit my belly is getting a little sore from the injections - to the touch. I think I need to vary up my locations more than I do. I've got some nice bruises and needle prick marks in this belly of mine! My latest Lupron actually resulted in a nice little bump - it eventually went away, but it was pretty funky to see!
The biggest, and honestly, the only side effect I really have right now is I can feel my ovaries. With every step I take, when I go to the bathroom, when I sit down, etc... I can feel them. I sometimes feel this when I am on a regular cycle, but not nearly this much. I can definitely tell I'm growing a bunch of follies in there! It's kind of a sharp ache in each location - not really sure how to describe it. Kind of annoying/uncomfortable, but nothing painful by any means. Guess we'll see how I feel in another day or so when they're even bigger!
Speaking of bigger - I know they want the follies to be between 18-22 mm for the trigger. But I honestly never stopped to think about how big that really is. I tracked down a metric ruler today at work just to see for myself. Definitely bigger than I realized! And to combine that with about 14-16 of them in there? No wonder I can feel them and girls feel full/heavy at the end! haha
OK, guess that's it for now. Time for bed. In case you haven't noticed, I pretty much ramble and type as I "speak it' - don't really supress any of it - so if you've made it this far, nice job!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
I don't have any exact numbers yet, but the uterus lining looks good and it looked like I had about 14-16 follicles growing in there! Now I just hope they keep growing and we get some good mature ones out of that bunch! We didn't measure them today, but will next week. We're hoping for 18-22 mm and then we'll trigger. Based on what we saw today, it's looking like my egg retrieval (ER) will be a week from today. NEXT FRIDAY! Can you believe it!
They took more bloodwork this time, so I'm curious what my P2/P4 levels will come out to be. Based on the bloodwork from last time, my hypothroidism is getting better! My numbers aren't perfect, by my TSH went down from a 6.7 back on 5/13 (I think?) to about a 3.something this time. Typically you want it around the 1-2.5 range if I remember correctly, so I'm getting there. Not perfect, but my thyroid is at least functioning at a higher level now which is good. Need the levels in the right place to support a pregnancy and for brain development.
While I was there I made another appointment for DH to deposit another sample to freeze. Now that I'm growing all these eggs, we need to make sure he's got enough sperm! Based on his low count (morph and motility don't really matter with IVF) he's been giving them a sample every few days to freeze as backups in case his day-of sample doesn't have enough. It wouldn't be good to have lots of mature eggs to fertilize, but no sperm to inject! He's been a real trooper about it, too. (I don't think I've ever used that word, but it seems to fit! haha). His first SA he was really nervous to give, but now he's definitely gotten used to it. Just goes in, does his business, drops it off, and out the door he goes!
I go back in on Monday and Wednesday again for more checks. Based on those, they'll have a better idea of how things are progressing and when the ER and ET (embryo transfer) will be. We want them to grow, but not too fast - we want them to be good quality, not necessarily just good quantity! So, here's to hoping for good progress over the weekend!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Again - I don't know if it's the meds, the stress of the IF and IVF in general, the whole cat situation, work, money (the fact that we've had to pay out many thousands recently for taxes, car, IVF, cat, etc... We have enough, it's just a little freaky to have to pay so much all at once and to watch your savings grow smaller and smaller - large chunks at a time!) or what it is. Or, quite possibly, a combination of a couple/all of them.
Who knows - I just don't like the feeling. It's not like I am a cold person. I actually consider myself a warm person. But I just like to keep any freakouts to myself. I tend to keep some of the "bad" feelings bottled up and then at times they just need a way to get out. I never scream or yell or anything. And I do make sure I get my happy/positive emotions out. I guess I sometimes just bottle the bad stuff in and eventually it goes away. Either that, or I apparently find some way to release it.
It would be good if I started exercising again. I think that would really help release some of this tension that's building up - in my emotions and in my shoulders/back/neck - ouch! DH and I walk everynight for about 40 minutes or so around the neighborhood, but I honestly need to do more than that. I am so out of shape, and I hate it. Plus, I know the exercising will help me release some frustration/tension that I have bottled up. Does that make sense? I need to get back on my bike, or back out there running/hiking. I need to get motivated again to do it. The kicker, is once I have my ET, all of that stuff, other than the walking, is a no-no. At least at the beginning. So I don't know. Maybe I'll look into yoga. And I'm sure I can do light weights. All in due time, I guess.
So, I guess that's it for now. I'm off to bed and tomorrow is Friday - woohoo! Have a good night!
It was great to go and watch them play. I missed not being able to play, but it was fun to be there and hang out with everyone. Guess there's always next year, righ?!
My sister and her fiance were supposed to be coming down to visit this weekend, but due to the gas prices, they've changed their mind :-( I was really looking forward to their visit, but I totally understand. They have to drive from VT to PA in a couple weeks so it made sense to save gas/money and not come down. Oh well... I did just see them this past weekend! And, now I guess we don't have to worry about hiding our meds in the fridge where they can't find them and hide doing the shots - it's quite a small house to hide that kind of thing! haha
Had an odd experience tonight with the stim shot. Nothing actually injected! haha Not sure what we did wrong, but it was really easy for DH to push in so that made us curious. And when I went to take the "empty" cartridge out (remember, it still has a little leftover in it), it's still about half full. Oops! So we just did it again and it worked. So bizzarre!
I go in for my first stim check tomorrow. I really hope there are some follies growing in there and they look good. Please, please, please!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
On a side note, I haven't actually checked, but I think the needle in the Follistim pen must be thicker than the one I use for the Lupron. I say this only because both nights so far I have felt the Follistim needle going in, but not the Lupron. That and every time I pull out the Follistim needle I bleed. I don't with the Lupron needle. So, whether it's true or not, I'm sticking with my theory! ;-)
Also - I learned valuable lesson last night. Always read the labels/boxes that come with things. My Follistim cartridges are 300 iu. Each night, I inject 150 iu. So one would think that after two nights, the cartridge would be empty - you know, 150 + 150 = 300 = empty cartridge. But nope - there was some left over. So I freaked out a bit thinking - did I dial the pen wrong? Did it not come out? Did I not give myself the right dose?
But, thanks to the wonderful ladies on the Nest's TTTC, they kindly pointed out that they always overfill the cartridges - and, go figure, it's right on the box and the insert had I actually bothered to read it. Oops! Good to know, though - that way there's always enough to fill your pen and, if I for some reason need to stim extra, I may be able to fill up the pen with the leftovers from each cartridge. Not bad, eh?!
OK, guess that's it for now.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Friday night we dropped the cat and everything off at my parents house, said our hello's and then headed out to the lake with the boat. It was such a beautiful night out - I took about a thousand pictures. The views are just so beautiful beautiful up there, how could I not!
Even some local wildlife made the pictures!
DH did some fishing...
And I did some relaxing...
We had some snacks...
And some fun with my injections!
We stayed for the sunset that night before heading in - it was breathtaking!
It gets better...
And even better...
When we got back that night, Riley had definitely made himself at home!
Saturday, the weather was pretty crappy out - very humid and then some terrible thunderstorms. I even almost got hit by lightening when it came through the phone lines or something - it came within just inches of where I was sitting - yikes!
Dad worked most of the day so my sister and I spent it just hanging out with my mom while the boys (DH and my sister's fiance) went out to the lake to fish. Dad joined them once he was done with work - just in time to get out there and then have to come in because of the storm - oops!
And then Sunday was another gorgeous day - perhaps the best day of the three - sunny, clear skies, and practically no humidity - perfect for Father's Day! So we all hopped in the truck and headed to church. Then went home, had lunch, and then we all (except mom) went out fishing with dad. I decided not to get my fishing license this year so I played photographer for the day - yup - took another thousand pictures lol
Went to two different places - breathtaking views once again (gotta love the Adirondacks!)
My sister (7.5 mos pregnant - can't even tell, can you!) and my dad:
Second, and final fishing place for the day...
Fishing and spending time with dad (since we don't get to see him much) was our main gift, but we did get dad a few fun gifts. My parents don't drink, smoke, or anything. But we made a joke a while back that I was getting dad a six pack and a carton of cigarettes for Father's Day. So I poked around some stores and picked up a six-pack of root "beer" and some chocolate cigars. I really tried to find the candy cigarettes, but I guess they just don't make them anymore?
Before we headed out on the drive back home, we hung around my parents house for a bit and let Riley outside before being crated up for a couple hours - let's just say he knows how to get comfortable...
Finally, here are a couple views around my parents' property. It is just so beautiful up there - definitely nothing like the city life I live now!
Monday, June 16, 2008
The plants that took the biggest beating and were pretty broken and/or shredded were our cucumbers and peppers, but they all are worse for the wear. But they're coming back, thankfully.
In case anyone's curious about what's in the picture: (clockwise from top/left)
- Alcohol and cotton balls since I ran out of alcohol wipes
- 5 boxes of Follistim cartriges and needles (silver)
- The inside of one of the boxes (white/pink)
- Lupron (little bottle)
- Lupron needle
- Follistim pen
- Follistim case
So we walked through the instructions together to load it and put it together - and then he injected me! So far, so good - it's only day one, so not really expecting to feel anything just yet. But I hear that towards the end of stimming, I'm going to feel quite hormonal, bloated, sore belly, and just "full/heavy" feeling. Then off to the egg removal and embryo transfer!!
Friday, June 13, 2008
Don't mind the bed - doing laundry!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
OK - I'm already jealous of myself. I want to leave here now!