12:31

Yup. That's the time we finally dragged ourselves out of bed today. We just didn't want to get out of bed and face reality. It was much easier to just stay there, chat some, sleep some, pet the cat. But, eventually, we got our butts out of bed and today is much better than yesterday. We are still really sad, angry, and a bit confused, but definitely better than yesterday.

I keep running questions through my head, over and over again. Why didn't it work? There were 3 of them in there - and not even one stuck? Why? Was it something I did during the 2WW? Is there something about my body that we don't know about yet that won't let our little embies stick? Ever? Or maybe something wrong with my eggs? Or maybe something in DH's sperm causes the embies to not be viable? What if it fails again for IVF#2? Or #3? Or ever?

I know there are options out there other than IVF but right now we don't want to venture there. We want this to work. Badly.

And it breaks my heart to see the effect this has on my husband. I had the nurse on speaker phone yesterday when she broke the nerve. And not only did I start crying, but so did he. And I hate how it makes him so sad. I think it's sometimes easy for us to get caught up in how we're feeling we forget that it affects the husbands, too. He even made a comment I have heard so many others make - that he is jealous of others around us who have had babies - and so easily - the good old fashioned way.

He has been so supportive of me and everything we have put my body through to go this far - and about to venture into again. I think I am going to make sure to spend some extra time spoiling DH. Sometimes I think he feels left out of sorts - like he can't contribute as much, if that makes sense? Not in a bad way, just that he can't do more to help me. But I don't see it that way - I think he has been so supportive throughout the whole thing - both physically (ie: administering the shots and catering to me) and mentally. And I love him so much for this. I honestly think this has made our relationship even stronger than it was.

DH - I know you don't read this, but I love you very, very much. You are going to make an amazing father and I can't wait to see you with a baby in your arms and that smile on your face. MUAH!